Posts Tagged ‘motivation’

Self-discipline

Monday, April 19th, 2010

Try This At Home…………………..

Take your child to a hill that is safe for him to run up, preferably at a time when no one is around.  It doesn’t matter how long, short, steep or gradual the hill is, just something he can run up.  Park the car where you can’t really see the hill.  Tell him you are going to wait in the car and that he should go run up the hill as fast as he can and then come right back.  Tell him you’re going to wait in the car.  When he gets back, go back to the hill with him.  Have him run up the hill as fast as he can again, but this time watch him run up the hill, or better yet, run up it with him.  When you have both caught your breath, ask him if he ran up the hill harder when he was by himself, when you were with him, or if he put in the same effort both times.  Explain that pushing himself to run up the hill just as hard when he was alone, required discipline.  Explain that discipline is the ability to push and motivate himself to do something when no one is watching.  Then, since you are there, you and your child can run up the hill a few more times if you want, it’s a great work out, and you can test your own discipline. 

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A lot of the time during my cycling career I trained by myself out on the road, with no one to push me but myself.  I remember standing at the bottom of a hill on a blistering hot day in California, thinking how funny it was that a person would torture herself by going repeatedly up a hill as hard as she could with no one watching.  I did it because it was what my coach had scheduled me to do that day and more importantly, because it was what it was going to take to accomplish my goal.  That is discipline; it is not something that necessarily comes naturally, but instead a learned thing, a practiced thing. It is what sports can help instill in your child, especially if he has the right coach and role models. 

Self-discipline is doing something not because you want to, but because you know you should.  Discipline is pushing yourself hard, even when no one is watching.  It is putting everything into your workout, even though every muscle in your body is screaming in pain, and it is not eating a cookie, even though they are sitting there on the counter taunting you.  Discipline is what it takes to succeed and true discipline is self contrived and motivated. 

If your child is school aged, ask him to think about the last time his teacher had to step out of the room for a minute.  Ask him what happened.  Did all of the kids keep working?  Did some of the kids get up and goof around?  What did they do?  Explain that those students who stayed in the seats and kept working demonstrated self-discipline.

If your child is younger, you can use this analogy.  Ask your child to think of a time when you asked him to pick up his toys while you were doing something else.  Ask him what happened?  Did he pick up his toys, or did he play with them instead?  Did he wait to pick them up until you were in the room?  Explain that picking up the toys, even though you weren’t in the room, showed discipline.

We all are capable of self-discipline; we just have to make up our minds to do it.  Some days are easier than others, and each of us is more disciplined at certain activities than others.  The more something means to your child, the more disciplined he will be.  The beautiful thing about discipline is this, even if your child failed a hundred times before to be disciplined in a certain area, each day is a new day to try again.  Practice makes perfect!

Discipline comes in handy with sports, but it will be even more important when your child is studying for a test, heading off to college, or starting his first job.   Help your child start practicing self-discipline and try to set a good example; your child will reap the benefits of being disciplined.

Please, share this blog with a friend!  For more information about me and my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Lacking Motivation

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Sorry, no try this at home section this week.  I couldn’t think of anything good.  If I come up with something, I’ll add it to next week’s post.

This week’s post is a request from a friend whose daughter is tired after school and unmotivated to go to practice.  Although she doesn’t feel like going, she loves it once she gets there.

My friends daughter may be “just a kid,” but we can all totally relate to how she’s feeling.  I can’t even count the number of days that I think I’m going to work out after I put the kids to bed, but instead end up dragging myself to the couch exhausted and way to unmotivated to go into the cold garage and run on the treadmill.  There were days like that during my cycling career as well.  On the days when I was sore and tired, I could come up with 1,000 different reasons to procrastinate doing my workout.  (It always amazed me how urgent cleaning the refrigerator or alphabetizing my DVD’s became, when I was dreading hill repeats.)   I always ended up eventually doing my workout, but that doesn’t mean that I always felt like doing it.

My point is that my friend’s daughter is perfectly normal.  However, as a parent there are a few things to consider. 

Does Your Child Still Like The Activity?   

If the answer is yes, then I offer some tips later in the post that may help motivate her. If the answer is no, then it may be time to look into a new activity, or at least take a break for awhile.  I’m a firm believer in finishing what you start, so it’s alright to insist she finish out the season, or session.  Once she’s completed her obligation let her pick a new activity to try.

Does She Have Too Many Activities?

Kids have long, busy days, and it’s easy for them to feel overloaded and overwhelmed with activities.  Just like adults, kids need down time.  If your child has an activity every day after school, is feeling overwhelmed and starting to dread the stuff she loves, it may be time to lighten her load.

Or,

Maybe she isn’t too busy, but instead she just needs a few minutes to recharge before her activities.  Having a chance to eat a snack and relax for a few minutes might help her feel rejuvenated and ready to practice. 

On the flip side, sometimes once I sit down and relax, I find it’s a lot harder to get going again, especially if I’m being pulled away from my favorite television show.  If that seems to be the case, it might help to leave the television off.  You can always tape her favorite show for her and let her watch it later.

Remind them of their obligation.

In very few situations do our actions just affect us.  Remind your child that she signed on for the entire season or session, and that her team and coach are counting on her.  Ask her what would happen if all of the kids on the team were tired and decided to skip practice?  Ask her, worse yet, what would happen if all the kids showed up, but the coach decided he didn’t feel like it.  This is a great opportunity to help your child see the big picture and talk with her about fulfilling her obligations.

The Reward

Your child may say that she loves the games, but doesn’t want to practice.  Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works.  Explain that the game is the reward, but in order to earn the reward, she has to do the work. Also, she probably wouldn’t like the games as much, or do as well, if she didn’t practice for them.  Whether she’s at school, playing sports, or at home doing chores, there is always going to be something that she likes doing the least, but it still has to get done.  No one wants to pick up the dog poop, but if you want to experience the joy and companionship of a dog, you’ve got to do it.  Likewise, everyone likes sledding down the hill, but you can’t enjoy the fun if you don’t walk up the hill first.

Throughout my ten year cycling career my ultimate goal was the Olympic Games.  Ten years is a long time to stay motivated, and there were times that I struggled.  However, I knew that I’d have to put in the work if I wanted to make the Olympic team. That is why, no matter how much I procrastinated, I always did my workout.  I knew that for every workout I skipped, one of my competitors was doing hers.  For me, the reward was so important, that I was willing to do the work no matter how I felt.

Remind your child that she isn’t alone.  It’s normal to feel unmotivated sometimes.  The real test is whether she’s going to give in to it.  If she likes what she’s doing, it’s worth doing all the way.

For more information about me, or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Taper- Resting Before A Competition For Peak Performance.

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Try This At Home………………………

Have your child hold her hands straight out to the side at shoulder height, like an airplane, for 30 seconds.  Depending on her age and ability you may need to make some adjustments by either decreasing or increasing the time or having her hold a water bottle in each hand for extra weight.  You want her to feel a little fatigue at the end of the 30 seconds, but most importantly, be successful in completing the task.  Afterward, tell her that this exercise is meant to show her what she can accomplish when she has allowed her body to rest before a performance.   

Next, have her hold her arms out first for 15 seconds, then 20 seconds and finally 25 seconds with a minute rest in-between.  After another minute or two of rest, have her hold her arms out for 30 seconds again, like she did in the first exercise.  Have her compare how she felt during the first 30 second exercise to the second time she did it.  Explain to her that  not allowing her body to rest and recover before a big competition can cause a less than optimal performance, just as it did in the second exercise. 

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Resting before a big competition or game is generally called a taper.  It is an extremely important part of achieving peak performance.  A complete taper is only done before the most important competitions.  A mini taper can be done before other competitions, but for some competitions your child may choose not to taper at all.  Your child needs to know what her ultimate goal is and understand that in order to be as prepared as possible, she may need to sacrifice by training through less important competitions.  In order to improve, she needs to increase her work load and intensity; if she is always tapering for relatively unimportant events, she won’t maximize her gains.

I found that racing unimportant races in a tired state was a great way to raise my game.  I am extremely competitive, so I always pushed myself harder in a race than I ever could train by myself, even when I was exhausted.

A mini taper generally ranges from a few days to a week.  During my career, my main goal each year was either the World Championships or the Olympics.  Therefore, before World Cups and important National selection races I only did a mini taper.  All of the coaches I worked with during my cycling career worked backward from my competition when they developed my taper. 

  • The day before my competition I did what we called,”openers”.  Openers were about half of a normal workout and focused on the heart rate zones and intensity I’d be using most in my race.  The purpose was to wake my body up and make sure it was ready to work hard again after several days of rest. 
  • Two days before my race I would go for an easy hour ride. 
  • Three days before my competition I would generally do an easy hour ride as well, but sometimes I would take completely off. 
  • Four and five days out I’d do a normal workout, but I would control myself and wouldn’t over do it.  If I did a second workout either day, it consisted of an easy half hour to hour ride.
  • Six days out I’d generally ride for an easy hour or two. 

A big taper can begin anywhere from a week to two weeks out from the competition. It follows the same structure as a mini taper, but is less dramatic further  from the competition.  In my regular training I generally trained three to four days in a row before taking an easy day.  Often I did two workouts a day.  For a big taper, two weeks out I’d decrease to one intense workout a day, and if there was a second workout it would just be an easy ride.  I’d also decrease the number of intense days between rest days, so instead of going three days before a rest day, I’d do two days or sometimes even one.

It is easy to think that more is better and that last minute cramming will pay off, but in general you child is better off going into her competition rested. That is a true statement for sports as well as other activities and academics.

Every athlete and every sport is different, but the principle is the same; peak performances come from rested athletes.  Decreasing her work load is the most import part of a taper, but making sure she is getting proper sleep and nutrition is also important.  She should know, that just because she has a rest day doesn’t mean she can go play Ultimate Frisbee with her friends, or spend hours on her feet shopping.  She truly needs to rest if she wants to perform at her best.  

For more information on myself or my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Goal Setting, Part 2

Monday, January 25th, 2010

 Try This At Home……………..

Next time your child fails at achieving her goal, have her make a list of everything that she did well and a list of all the things that did not go well.  Then have her analyze the second list and come up with ways to fix or improve upon them.   Once those things are fixed, have her try again.

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We’ve all failed to accomplish a goal at one time or another.  It’s normal to feel lousy when it happens, but the more productive response would be to figure out why it happened.  Cavett Robert said, “Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, is for you and you alone to decide.”  You can let your failures control and define you, or you can learn from them and use them to your advantage.  The choice is yours.

Fear of failure was the thing that I struggled most with during my cycling career.  I was so afraid of not being perfect that I would agonize over the possibility of failure.  Like everything in life, the thing that you dwell on is what comes to be, and left unchecked my fear became a self fulfilling prophesy.  Fear of failure is a separate post all to itself, but I mention it because in learning to deal with my fear, I learned an important lesson about failure…….While failure is unpleasant, it doesn’t make you a failure and it isn’t the end of the world.  It’s simply a step toward becoming successful.  You won’t find a successful person out there who hasn’t failed a few times in the process. 
                                                           
We all want to protect our kids and hate to see them fail, but as I’ve said over and over again in my blog posts, your child will learn far more from failing than they will from success.  Sure, failure isn’t any fun, but it can teach a valuable lesson. 

                                                                                    Reasons Why We Fail

We Went About It Wrong

Most likely the reason your child failed is because she went about it the wrong way.  This is the most valuable lesson in failing.  If she can realize where she went wrong and fix it, then the next time she’ll be successful. Help her analyze the situation and figure how she can improve.  

Lack of Motivation/ Follow Through

If your child seems unmotivated to do what is necessary to accomplish her goal, then it might be time for her to access if the goal is still important to her.  Sometimes priorities change.  My husband quit his wrestling career in the middle of a tournament.  In the middle of a match, he decided it just wasn’t fun anymore.

The other option may be that she just doesn’t want to put in the work.  She wants the reward that comes with accomplishing her goal, but she isn’t willing to do what it takes to get there.  In the end if she fails at her goal because of her work ethic then she’ll learn an important life lesson.  Letting her learn this lesson the hard way, while she is young, is the best gift you can give her.

Lack of focus

Your child may fail to accomplish her goals, because she isn’t focused enough at the task at hand.  She needs to choose which goal is most important and give that the most attention.  She may not know how to focus.  Focusing is a learned thing and is something that is crucial to success in all aspects of life.  Check out my previous prioritization blog for tips on teaching your child to prioritize and stay tuned in a few weeks for my post on the art of focusing. 

Unrealistic Expectations

Your child’s goals may be unrealistic.  If she fails to meet her goal it’s a great opportunity for her to be completely honest about why it happened.  She may have inadvertently set herself up for failure by setting an unrealistic goal.  Help her learn to set realistic goals.  This doesn’t mean that she can’t dream big, it just means she has to be realistic about things like her timetable, talents, abilities, etc.  Some goals take a long time to reach, and some people are better suited at achieving some goals than others.  

If she has failed to reach her goal the first thing she should look at is her timetable.  Maybe her goal would be more achievable if she gave herself more time.  She may also need to add in some additional sub-goals.  Maybe her plan is missing a few steps.

The harder thing for her to do will be to access her abilities. She may find her talents lend themselves better to a new and different goal. She may find she has more to lose by continuing her pursuit than she does by throwing in the towel.  The choice is never an easy one, but this too is an important lesson to learn. 

Part of learning to set goals, is learning what to do when it doesn’t work out.  It is an important skill set for your child to develop.  Learning from their failure will make them successful.

For more information on myself or my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com  My book, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race, is an excellent way to talk about overcoming fears with your child.

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Setting Goals

Monday, January 18th, 2010

Try This At Home……………………..

Using the steps below, have your child set a goal that he can accomplish in the next month or two.  (or less)

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Did you set a new years resolution this year?  Did your kids?

This post may have been more appropriate as the first one of the New Year, but hopefully it’s still relevant because you are sticking to your resolution.  If you didn’t make a resolution, or you’ve already given up on your resolution, don’t lose heart, this is the perfect time to get back on track. 

A New Years resolution is just a fancy way to say you’re setting a goal for yourself.  Occasionally you’ll hear someone say they aren’t a goal oriented person, or they don’t really know how to set goals, but most likely these people are setting goals everyday.  Every time they make a to-do list, a honey do list, or leave the house expecting to arrive at a destination at a particular time, they’ve set a goal.  They just may not realize it. 

Your kids do the same thing.  They may not know the word goal, but they set goals for themselves all the time.  They may want to ride a bike like their big brother, own a certain toy or score a goal in their next soccer game.  When my son Micah was about a year and a half old, he wanted to jump so badly.  He would bend his knees, crouch way down and throw himself upward, but his cute, little, flat feet never left the ground.   Finally, with enough practice, he got some air.  I tell you this, because if a one year old can set a goal and find a way to accomplish it, anyone can.

It’s never too early to teach your child about setting goals.  Having goals will help him to be successful, give him a purpose, help him learn to manage his time and resources, and give him a sense of accomplishment. 

I’ve found that often people are good at setting goals; they just have no idea what to do after that.  Here are some basic things you can teach your child about achieving his goals.

Make a Goal

If your child doesn’t already have a goal, have him come up with one.  Like I said, he probably already has a goal; he just may not have defined it as such.  Have him write his goal down.  Explain the importance sharing his goal with another person, because they can help with accountability and problem solving.

Break It Down

Next, ask him how he thinks he can go about reaching his goal.  Let him come up with some ideas.  Some goals are simple, like I need to get a load of laundry done today. The only thing you have to decide in order to accomplish that, is when specifically you’re going to do it.  Other goals are more complex, like making an Olympic Team.  Goals like that are so lofty, that they need to be broken down into mini sub-goals.    The sub-goals work like stair steps. Each time you accomplish a sub-goal you move one step closer to the big one. I think most people fall short of their goals, because they fail at this step. 

Here is an example.

  1. Set a goal.
  •  Running a mile in ten minutes.

     2. Break it up into mini-goals. 

  • Buy running shoes
  • Find a place to run and measure off a mile using the car odometer. (Find land marks at the quarter mile markers as well.)
  • Run a quarter mile
  • Run a half mile
  • Run three quarters of a mile
  • Run 1 mile
  • Time yourself while you run 1 mile.
  • Run a mile is less than twelve minutes.
  • Run a mile is less than eleven minutes.
  • Run a mile in less than ten minutes.

Set A Deadline

On a calendar, have him write his final goal on a specific date and highlight it.  That is his deadline.  Then, have him work backward and figure out when each sub goal needs to be accomplished in order to accomplish his final goal by the deadline.  Have him identify the deadline for each sub goal on the calendar as well.

Developing a Plan

Now that he has a goal, and sub goals, he will need to decide what needs to happen in order to accomplish his first sub goal.  Maybe he needs to put some other activities on hold so he has more time to devote to his goal.  He may need to do some research, get more sleep, or set a specific time each day he will practice.  Have him write his plan down.

What You Can Do

Be interested.  Ask him how his plan is going and help him trouble shoot.

Celebrate

Don’t forget to celebrate the milestones.  It is easy to be so focused on the final goal that the accomplishment of each mini goal is over looked. Make sure to give him a hug, tell him he’s doing a great job and how impressed you are with his persistence and discipline.  There doesn’t have to be a reward for each mini goal.  The sense of accomplishment should be reward enough, especially if the end goal is one he really wants to reach.

Stay tuned next week for part two of goal setting.  For more information on myself or my children’s books, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race and Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Prioritization- “Having it all” is a myth

Monday, October 26th, 2009

Try This At Home……..

Gather together as many balls as you can find. Tell your child that the balls are like the activities and responsibilities in their life.  Hand them two or three balls.  Explain that, like the balls, when they only have two or three activities and responsibilities to focus on, they can keep them all under control and do very well at them.  Then keep handing them more and more balls until they start dropping them.  Explain that, just like the balls, the more activities and responsibilities they take on, the more things get left undone or done poorly.   Too many balls lead to mediocrity.

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I was freed from most of my unrealistic expectations the day that I realized that the expression, “You can have it all”, was a myth.  I realized that I can only keep so many balls in the air at one time and if I get over zealous my whole world comes crashing down. 

Our resources are scarce.  There are only so many hours in a day and we only have so much time, energy and money.   You can focus on doing a few things very well and allow some other things to lag behind. Or you can try to do everything, and the odds are that none of it will be done extremely well. You’ve heard the expression, Jack-of-All-Trades, Master of None.  For example, you may be able to have a career and be the kind of mother or father you want to be, but that probably means that you aren’t making it to the gym three days a week anymore and you need to hire someone to help clean the house.  Something’s gotta give!

Teaching your children to prioritize their activities and responsibilities at a young age is important.   It will help them to be successful in the things that matter most.  If they have too many activities and responsibilities they get spread too thin and aren’t able to excel at any of them.  When kids are young they should try all sorts of activities: different sports, instruments, arts, etc.  Exposing them to as many things as possible gives them a higher probability of finding their “perfect fit”, their passion.  That doesn’t mean they have to have an activity every night of the week, but they also shouldn’t have to just pick one sport or activity and be stuck in it.  Having said that, even young kids need to understand that something’s are more important than others and that they will be good at what they practice.   The best way to teach them responsibility and specialization is to make it a habit when they are young.  They need to finish their homework, study for their test, practice their instrument, go to soccer practice and/or set the table, before they play video games or watch TV.   Sit down with them and have them help you make a list of priorities. (This leads into the topic of making sacrifices, but we’ll save that for another post.)

Once your child finds their passion, specializing in it will bring them more success and with success comes confidence, which is always a good thing.  Specialization will also help them hone other skills, like time management, discipline, work ethic and goal setting. 

If your child wants to be really good at something, then they need to make it a priority. It doesn’t mean that they have to give up everything else, but some of the less important things are going to get less attention.  Something’s gotta give.

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Work or Play?

Monday, October 5th, 2009

Try This At Home…….

Take turns setting up an obstacle course.  For example: Run up a hill, around a tree, do five pushups, then run back down the hill, crab walk to the water bottle, jump over the bottle, run to the slide and slide down it.  You can just do it just for fun, or race and see who wins.  You and your kids will get some exercise and you won’t even realize it.

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When you were growing up, was exercise work or fun?  Why?  How do you feel about it now? Are you making exercise fun for your kids?  I know it is an odd question because by definition exercise is work.  So, I guess the real question is, do you and your children enjoy it. 

Kids exercise should be play.  They don’t need to go to the gym and work out, they just need to go outside and be a kid (unless they are older and are really training for a sport.)   Get them signed up for some sports, encourage them to play games like tag with their friends, take them to the pool, walk to the park, and limit their television and video game time.  I know kids love video games, so make a system.  They get to play 30 minutes of a sedentary game for every 30 minutes they play of a physical game, like Dance Dance Revolution or Wii Sports. 

Your actions and your attitude will lay the foundation for how your kids view exercise.  So, even if you don’t like to do it, don’t grumble in front of the kids on the way to the gym, and make a point of doing physical activities as a family.  Go for a hike, bike ride or shoot some hoops together.  The more it is part of your family life, the more your kids will incorporate it into their life when they grow up. 

This summer we started a running/walking group through my husband’s chiropractic office.  I pushed my kids in the jogging stroller.  Micah, my two year old, got really excited about running because he saw us doing it.  After our group run, he would run around my husband’s office building.  He asks to run to the park, instead of ride in the stroller and he likes to run on the treadmill. (With very close supervision.)  It is a great reminder that kids take their cues about what to think about exercise from their parents. 

Here are some tips for you and your kids. 

1. Find something you/they like to do.  There are all sorts of forms of exercise out there.  You don’t have to just run, or walk.  You can dance, ride, climb, swim, hike, roller blade, jump rope etc.

2. Get your kids involved in a team sport or class; it is more fun to exercise with other people and it’s good for your kids to be held accountable.  For the exact same reasons, find someone to work out with you too.  Accountability is key. No quitting allowed.  My mom used to tell us that we could try any sport or activity that we wanted, as long as, even if we didn’t like it, we finished that session or season of the activity. (This is a whole separate post, but worth mentioning here.) 

3. Be creative and make it fun.  I started riding bikes with my parents when I was very young.  We would go on a bike ride and on the way home stop and get an ice cream cone or ride to the park.   The more fun it is, the more you and your kids will want to do it.

4. Mix it up.  Doing the same thing every day is boring.

Final note:

If you don’t enjoy exercise, you won’t do it.  Most of it is a state of mind.  You have to decide that you are going to do it and remind yourself you will feel better afterward.  My husband was an international level, Greco Roman wrestler. He cut a substantial amount of weight for his tournaments and got pretty good at dieting.  He loves sweets, so to make it easier, he started thinking of desserts as poison.  Every time he reached for a brownie, he would stop himself because it was poison.  The mind is a powerful thing.   You can use it to change your attitude about working out. 

Exercise isn’t meant to be easy, or comfortable.  If it were, it wouldn’t be defined on dictionary.com as: bodily or mental exertion, esp. for the sake of training or improvement of health.   The benefits of it far out weigh the discomfort.  Very little in life worth doing is easy. 

You may have made up your mind about exercise, but that doesn’t mean your kids have.  I really like working out, I always have.  I don’t necessarily love the uncomfortable ness involved with excising vigorously, but I love the way I feel afterward.  If I don’t exercise I feel gross.   I believe that I like exercising because I grew up doing it.  If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your kids.

I’d love to hear from you: thoughts, comments and stories.   What are your ideas about making exercise play?  The Barnsville Sports Squad children’s book series emphasises healthy lifestyles.  Visit www.erinmirabella.com to learn more.

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Are you pushing your kids to play?

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

Try this at home………

Look through your local newspaper or Parks and Recreation Guide.  Pick out a sporting event that you know little or nothing about.   Go and watch a game/match/race with your kids.  Before you go, Google (or Bing if that’s what you do) the sport and find out some basic information about it.  Knowing a little bit about the sport makes it a lot more fun to watch.  It is also more interesting if you root for a specific person or team.   Who knows, maybe you’ll become a big fan.  Can’t find anything new in your town?  Try renting a movie about a sport you know nothing about.

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Think back to when you were young.  What sports did you play?  How were you introduced to them?  Did your parents participate in the same sport?  Was it your idea to play the sport or were you guided into that sport?  What sport do you wish you had played?

Here is my observation.  Many of us choose the same sport that our parents played. I know it’s not rocket science, but it’s true.  Kids naturally want to be like their parents (until they’re teenagers) and parents want to share their interests with their children.  Kids sometimes feel pressured to do the same sport their parents did, even though they really aren’t interested in it. Parents need to be very careful not to live out their unfulfilled dreams through their children. Let kids have their own dreams.  By forcing kids into something, they may end up hating the very thing you want them to love.  My husband Chris and I joke that we hope our kids won’t end up wrestlers or cyclists like us.   If we are going to push them into anything it’s going to be golf, tennis, or any other sport that they can get a good scholarship in and make money at.

My parents toured on bikes. That is how my sister, Becca, and I started riding and then racing while we were fairly young.  I really liked it, my little sister liked it too, but she didn’t love it and she got sick of being in my shadow.  Since I was three years older everyone was always comparing her to me (not my parents, but people in general.)  She has told me that she thought for a long time that she just didn’t have discipline and dedication because she wasn’t all that interested in practicing.  Ultimately, she just didn’t like cycling enough to want to work that hard.  She won a track national championship title at the age of twelve and quit the sport.  I know she felt guilty about quitting because it was what our family “did”.  Of course, there was nothing wrong with her wanting to do something else, but she still felt badly.  She went on and found two sports she really loved, soccer and running.  She realized she did have a good work ethic once she was doing something she truly wanted to do.  She went on to get a full scholarship for running.  So, if you feel like you’re always dragging your kids to their practice or games, ask yourself if it is something they want or you want.  Maybe they are ready to try something new.

The sport we chose was probably also limited by the region we lived in.  People who live in Florida are much more likely to be surfers than skiers.  I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say that they wish they had found a certain sport, their passion, earlier in life.  One of the reasons I decided to write the Barnsville Sports Squad Series was to introduce kids to sports they may have never heard of before.  I think it’s important for each person, kids and grownups, to find something they love to do, preferably as soon as possible.

Remember, just because your child wants to play a different sport doesn’t mean you can’t play the sport you love with them (or whatever other activity it may be.) They will probably be much more willing to play with you if they are able to choose a sport or activity they want to do.

For more information on the first two books in the Barnsville Sports Squad Series, which introduce cycling and soccer, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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