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Self Reliance

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

Thanks for you patience the last few weeks.  We had a death in the family and after the unexpected travel it took me a while to get organized.

Team Work is important and useful, but sometimes the only person your child will have to rely on is herself.  Sometimes the best person to do the job is your child; teaching her how to get it done on her own will help her on the field, in school, and later in life.  We’ve all heard the saying, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.  I usually think of that saying to mean that someone else messed up, but if we choose to look at it in a positive light, it really has more to do with your personal ability to do something well.

There are moments in life where your child will have to make a decision, maybe a split second one, about how to handle a situation.  She may be able to look for help from a teammate, schoolmate, or co-worker, but sometimes no one is around who can or will help.  In those moments she needs to believe that she can get the job done herself and act without hesitation. In some cases, even a moment’s hesitation or a look for help at the wrong time can be the difference between success and failure.   

Failure to rely on herself is most likely the result of lack of confidence, or possibly a little laziness.   Everyone suffers from lack of confidence now and again, but making it a habit can be costly. 

I had a costly lapse of confidence during a road race in 2004. The bike race was part of a stage race.  A stage race is a several day race.  Each day there is a new race and the total time of that day’s race is added to the previous day’s total time. The winner is the cyclist who, when the last race has been finished, has completed all of the racing in the least amount of time.  So, you can win a stage of the stage race and not win the overall race.  I was having a fantastic stage race and was sitting fairly high in the overall.  On a climb several of the other highly ranked girls attacked the group and opened up a gap between themselves and the rest of us.  I was chasing them down, gaining slowly and dragging everyone else in my group along behind me.  I was tired and had a little lap in confidence.  I realized other riders were behind me and I thought I’d turn to them for help.  I pulled off to the side and the girl behind me took her turn at front, but she was going slower and we lost momentum.  By the time I realized we were slowing down it was too late.  I surged around her and continued my chase, but by that time the women had too big of a gap and we never caught them.  At the end of the stage I moved down in the overall standings and wasn’t able to gain the time back during the rest of the stage race.

I still regret my moment of hesitation, but while it was a hard lesson, it was also a good lesson.  One that I hope will come in handy the next time I need to rely on myself.  Talk with your child about her abilities and help her have confidence in them.  Let her know that there will be times when she is best off doing something by herself and when that time comes, she’ll be ready.

Remember to check out Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race and Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star,  if you are looking for a unique gift for a child in your life.  Visit www.erinmirabella.com to order a personalized, autographed copy.

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Posted in Confidence, self reliance | 1 Comment »

Building A Foundation

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Thanks for checking back again this week.  I appreciate you coming back to check out my blog this week and hope that you’ll tell a friend about it. 

Try This At Home……………………….

Gather together blocks of different sizes and shapes.   You’ll need some that are very small and light and some that are big and heavy.  Have your child build a tower using the smallest, lightest blocks on the bottom and the biggest, heaviest blocks on top.  Have him note how many blocks he uses and how high the tower gets before it topples over.  Next, have him build another tower using the biggest, heaviest blocks on the bottom and the smallest, lightest blocks on top.  Again, have him note how many blocks he uses and how high the tower gets.  Explain that the towers of blocks are like his success in life.  The bottom layer of blocks in the tower equals the amount of work and practice he puts into his activities. If he is diligent and works hard on the basic skills, he is laying a foundation of big, heavy blocks for his tower, and his tower will be sturdy and high.  Likewise, if he skips practice, or doesn’t master the basic skills of his activity, he is laying a foundation of small, light blocks for his tower and it won’t get very high before it topples.

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From the day your child is born, a foundation of knowledge, experience and morals is being laid which his entire life is built upon.  Just as your child isn’t ready to head off to first grade without first learning all of the things that are taught in kindergarten, he isn’t ready to play the game, before he’s learned the rules and basic skills that go along with it.

It isn’t uncommon for your child to want to put the cart before the horse and skip to the fun part, the game, race or fancy tricks, but without a foundation he won’t be nearly as successful.  Practice isn’t always fun, but it is a necessary part of becoming good at anything.  The whole idea is for the boring part to become automatic, so your child doesn’t even have to think about it.  Later, in the most critical, challenging and stressful moments, he can fall back on the boring basics and they will carry him through.  When he is challenged the moral, physical and academic foundation he built will keep him from toppling over.  The beginning stuff may be boring, but it is vital to being able to do the fancier stuff later.

In soccer for example, your child and his team will have a much better season if they first work on building up their fitness through running, and the basic skills of dribbling, trapping and passing the ball. 

I was surprised the first time the national team coach sat me down and showed me an entire years training and racing plan, and then a multiple year plan for making the Olympic team.  I was used to following a training schedule, but it had never occurred to me that my day to day workouts were part of a carefully calculated plan that built upon itself month after month.  Beginning with the end of the previous season, my training schedule built upon itself in frequency, duration and intensity all culminating at the years ultimate goal, the World Championships.  My training was based on five heart rate zones.  In the early months of the season I did long easy miles, working in zone one and two and building a low intensity base of endurance; the miles gradually increased until I was riding for four to five hours at a time.  Later, zone three, four and five were added, but without the foundation of miles I wouldn’t have been able to handle nearly as much volume and intensity.  When training and racing got tough I was able to fall back on the foundation I’d built and it helped keep me from collapsing during a race or tough workout.

 The next time your child is being impatient and wants to get to the good part, remind him of the towers he built and explain that building a strong, solid foundation is vital to his success.

For more information on me and my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Posted in Building A Foundation, Goal Setting, self-discipline | 2 Comments »

Sacrificing To Accomplish A Goal

Monday, April 12th, 2010

 Thanks for checking back this week.  I hope you all had a wonderful Easter; I enjoyed my time with my family.

Try This At Home

Tie one end of a long rope to something and place a basket or box near where it is tied.  Stretch the rope out and lay it on the ground.  Alongside the rope, set up distractions: your child’s favorite treat, a game she likes to play, a cell phone, etc.  Have her hold the lose end of the rope and a ball.  Her objective is, in less than a minute, to make her way to the basket by moving along the rope, hand over hand, and then drop the ball into the basket.  She must keep at least one hand on the rope at all times and can not drop the ball.  She may have to tuck the ball under her arm.  As she works her way along the rope point out the distractions you’ve set out.  Explain that she doesn’t have time to stop and enjoy them if she wants to reach her objective and accomplish her goal; sometimes she will need to make sacrifices in order to get the job done.

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Making sacrifices is part of life.  We all make choices about what is most important to us and set priorities.  There is only so much time in a day and our resources are limited.  My posts on setting goals and priorities are important building blocks for one. As I say in those posts, it’s important for you to help your child set goals and prioritize the activities in her life. Once your child has a goal, she will most likely need to make sacrifices in order to accomplish it.  She may have to sacrifice certain foods, her time with friends or her participation in other activities.  Explain to her that sacrifices usually aren’t easy, pleasant or comfortable, but are worthwhile if she values the goal enough.

I started training quite seriously for cycling at a pretty young age and quickly learned about the need to make sacrifices.  I chose to quit swim team in order to have more time for cycling, not to take a month long summer school trip to different historic locations around the United States, and ultimately chose to graduate a year early so I could focus more on my cycling.  Throughout my career I sacrificed physically, emotionally and financially in order to accomplish my goal of making an Olympic team.  What is worth sacrificing is a very personal decision, and sometimes it changes as you go.  Sit down with your child and ask her what sacrifices she thinks she needs to make in order to accomplish her goals.  Next, ask her if she is willing to make them.

For more information about me or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Posted in Goal Setting, Prioritization, Sacrifices | 2 Comments »

Risk Taking

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Try This At Home…………………

Take three paper bags. In the first bag, place one piece of candy that your child really likes.  In the second bag, place two pieces of the same candy.  In the third bag, place one piece of her favorite candy.  Place the three closed paper bags in front of your child.  Don’t let her touch them.  Tell her that the first bag contains one piece of the candy she really likes. She can choose to take that bag, or she can take a risk and chose one of the other bags.  Explain that by accepting the risk and taking one of the other bags, she may find an even better surprise, but it could also be just an empty bag.  Tell her that the purpose of the exercise is to encourage her to take smart risks.  Share the rest of the blog with her.  

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Each of us has a choice; we can live safe in our comfort zone, or we can challenge ourselves and take some calculated risks.  Taking smart risks offers us the possibility of  achieving more than we ever could have imagined.  There is a saying I like, I believe it’s also a book title. “Shoot for the moon: even if  you miss you’ll land among the stars.” 

When it comes to taking a risk, the question you need to ask yourself is, “What have you got to lose?”  More often than not, the answer is, nothing but a bit of pride.  Taking a calculated risk is often what it takes to get ahead.  If we always live life in our comfort zone we don’t allow ourselves many opportunities to shine.   Likewise, if we always know what the outcome is before we start, we never get a chance to find out what we’re truly are capable of.  I think it’s safe to say that a lot of  people underestimate themselves.

On the other hand, sometimes there is something to lose from taking a risk. A risk is just that, a risk, there is no guarantee. That is why I like to use the term calculated risk.  Your child will need to weigh her choices, sometimes rather quickly.  If the potential upside, outweighs the potential downside, then it is probably a risk worth taking.  Likewise, the opposite is true.   If the downside of taking the risk, outweighs the potential upside, then your child should probably choose to pass. 

In my children’s book, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race, Gracie agrees to compete in a bike race with her friends, but she fails to mention that she doesn’t know how to ride a bike and that she’s afraid to learn.  Her Grandma comforts her and asks her what the worst thing is that can happen if she gives learning to ride a try.  She then asks what the worst thing is that could happen if she doesn’t try to learn. Through the questioning, Gracie realizes that either way her answer is the same.  She really has nothing to lose.  She can try to learn and if she fails her friends may laugh at her and she won’t be able to join them in the bike race, or she can not try, and her friends still might laugh at her and she won’t be able to race with them in the bike race.  The story is meant to help children overcome and rationalize their fears, but the approach can also be used to teach your child to take risks. The next time your child is contemplating a risk, have her play the Gracie game.  Ask her, what is the worst thing that can happen if she takes the risk and it doesn’t work out.  Next, ask her what is the best thing that can happen if she takes the risk and it does work out.  Also, have her think about what will happen if she chooses not to take the risk. 

Taking a risk and failing, is simply a mistake to be learned from.  Throughout my cycling career, and life, I’ve found that sometime the only way to reach your goal is by taking risks.  Sometimes taking a risk and failing turns out to be a blessing in disguise, because it makes you better.  Have your child think of it like this:  Her goal is like a really high wall.  She’s climbing up it, but she’s stuck just a short distance from the top.  There is no where else for her to grab.  By taking a risk and failing, her wall will crumble some, but the crumbled wall may make a new hand hold for her that will allow her to keep climbing.  She can take advantage of her mistake and let it help her scale the wall and stand on top victorious.

Taking a risk can be scary, but really, what do you have to lose?

Note- There are good risks and bad risks.  It’s important for your child to know the difference.  No amount of success or glory is more valuable than life.  Taking a dangerous risk, one that could get you hurt, or worse, isn’t a good risk to take.  (However, sports are inherently dangerous, so there is always some risk involved.  A skilled athlete taking a reasonable, but risky chance, is sometimes what it takes to win.)

For more information on me or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Seizing Opportunities

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Try This At Home…………….

Chose a task that requires leaving the house and ask your child to join you.  It should be a task that isn’t overly thrilling, something like grocery shopping, taking the recycling to the recycling center, etc.  Make his coming a choice. Say something like, “I’m taking the recycling to the recycling place, do you want to come give me a hand?”  If he decides to go with you, take the opportunity to stop and get some ice cream together afterward.  If he chooses not to join you, stop and get the ice cream without him and bring it home so he realizes that he missed out on the opportunity.  Regardless of what he decides, use the situation as an example to explain the importance of opportunities.  Explain that opportunities can arise anywhere, at anytime and in many forms.  Some may come from a bit of luck, but most opportunities arise from putting yourself in a good situation and being prepared for what ever happens.  Share the information below with your child.  Also, ask him to think of a time where he seized an opportunity, or missed one?  He may have to think a bit, but my guess is he’ll come up with a few.  If he is very young, you may have to help him think of one.

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My son Micah is two and a half.  At the end of his gymnastic class, they always play with a parachute.  A few weeks ago the teacher asked him if he wanted to help pull out the parachute, but he was distracted and by the time he got over there some other kids had jumped in and helped her.  He was upset and started crying.  In the meantime, the teacher had all of the kids sit in the middle of the parachute so they could go for a ride.  Micah wouldn’t get in the middle. I even tried to lift him up and put him in there, but he wouldn’t have it, he was still too upset about not getting to help pull out the parachute.   I ended up having to pull him aside.  He calmed down some and I brought him back out for the next activity, but he got even more upset when he realized he’d missed the parachute ride. He was so busy crying about wanting to do the ride, that he missed the next activity too.  Needless to say, the class didn’t end well.  My point in sharing my son’s temper tantrum with you is that sometimes, like him, we are so focused on the past, we miss out on the present and don’t jump at a new opportunity. 

Success is usually the product of hard work, determination, persistence and discipline but there are a few other components that can come into play. Sometimes success comes from seizing an opportunity that presents itself, even though it wasn’t part of the original plan. Teaching your child to be flexible, spontaneous and optimistic will help him take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves. 

Three Keys To Seizing Opportunities

1. Putting Yourself In the Right Place

The biggest part of being able to take advantage of an opportunity is putting yourself in the right position. Your child can’t get the ice cream, if he isn’t in the car when you stop for a scoop.  If your child has put in the work and is prepared, he’ll be ready and able to jump at a good opportunity.

I felt absolutely awful at the 2003 National Championships in Trexlertown, Pennsylvania.  I didn’t have good legs all week.  In the point’s race, despite being in a breakaway with two other riders, I felt absolutely awful.  (The points race is a mass start event where a group, or pack, of cyclists race to see who can acquire the most points.  You get points from both sprinting and gaining a lap on the field.  A breakaway is where several riders get out in front of the main group, thereby collecting most of the points.) Normally sprinting was my strong suit, but for some reason during this particular race I just didn’t have the legs.  I knew I was going to take third unless I did something; the problem was I just couldn’t get my legs to go.  Then, an opportunity presented itself, and I took it.  Our breakaway of three riders was about to lap the main group of cyclists.  There were only a few laps left in the race and the group was only about a turn in front of us, maybe about 100 to 150 meters.  The other two girls in the group had more points than me and were so busy focusing on each other, that they kind of forgot about me.  Any rider who lapped the field earned twenty points, so if I lapped the field and the two other girls in my breakaway did not, then I would win the race.  While they watched each other, I surprised them and took off really fast, breaking away from them.  I put my head down and rode as hard as I could to catch the group.  Once I caught the group I couldn’t let the other two catch as well, so I went to the front and pulled everyone along.  I managed to prevent the other two girls from catching the group and won the race.  I won the race, not because I was riding great that day, but because I put myself in a position that allowed me to take the opportunity when I saw it. 

2. Shaking It Off

Often times an opportunity presents itself after something else has not gone as planned.  Being able to set aside disappointment and not dwell on the past will help your child stay focused, keep an optimistic mindset and see new opportunities.  As hard as it is to believe sometimes, the past does not equal the future.  Mistakes are good chances to learn and improve.  Just because something didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that it’s a lost cause.  Sometimes your child will have time to regroup after a misstep, other times an unexpected opportunity my follow immediately; he just needs to stay focused and roll with the punches.

If I’d given up during the 2003 National points race, because my legs felt lousy and the race wasn’t going well, I never would have taken the chance I did and I never would have won the race.

3. Being A Risk Taker

Most opportunities aren’t a sure thing.  In many cases, in order to seize an opportunity, you have to take a risk.  A lot of the time, like in my case during the points race, you have nothing to lose by trying.  Next week’s blog will be about risk taking, so stay tuned.

Encourage your child to work hard and keep a good attitude so that he can be ready to pounce on an opportunity when it presents itself.  Remind him that an opportunity can pop up at any time.

For more information on me, or to purchase one of my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Posted in Opportunities, competition, winning and losing | 2 Comments »

Lacking Motivation

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Sorry, no try this at home section this week.  I couldn’t think of anything good.  If I come up with something, I’ll add it to next week’s post.

This week’s post is a request from a friend whose daughter is tired after school and unmotivated to go to practice.  Although she doesn’t feel like going, she loves it once she gets there.

My friends daughter may be “just a kid,” but we can all totally relate to how she’s feeling.  I can’t even count the number of days that I think I’m going to work out after I put the kids to bed, but instead end up dragging myself to the couch exhausted and way to unmotivated to go into the cold garage and run on the treadmill.  There were days like that during my cycling career as well.  On the days when I was sore and tired, I could come up with 1,000 different reasons to procrastinate doing my workout.  (It always amazed me how urgent cleaning the refrigerator or alphabetizing my DVD’s became, when I was dreading hill repeats.)   I always ended up eventually doing my workout, but that doesn’t mean that I always felt like doing it.

My point is that my friend’s daughter is perfectly normal.  However, as a parent there are a few things to consider. 

Does Your Child Still Like The Activity?   

If the answer is yes, then I offer some tips later in the post that may help motivate her. If the answer is no, then it may be time to look into a new activity, or at least take a break for awhile.  I’m a firm believer in finishing what you start, so it’s alright to insist she finish out the season, or session.  Once she’s completed her obligation let her pick a new activity to try.

Does She Have Too Many Activities?

Kids have long, busy days, and it’s easy for them to feel overloaded and overwhelmed with activities.  Just like adults, kids need down time.  If your child has an activity every day after school, is feeling overwhelmed and starting to dread the stuff she loves, it may be time to lighten her load.

Or,

Maybe she isn’t too busy, but instead she just needs a few minutes to recharge before her activities.  Having a chance to eat a snack and relax for a few minutes might help her feel rejuvenated and ready to practice. 

On the flip side, sometimes once I sit down and relax, I find it’s a lot harder to get going again, especially if I’m being pulled away from my favorite television show.  If that seems to be the case, it might help to leave the television off.  You can always tape her favorite show for her and let her watch it later.

Remind them of their obligation.

In very few situations do our actions just affect us.  Remind your child that she signed on for the entire season or session, and that her team and coach are counting on her.  Ask her what would happen if all of the kids on the team were tired and decided to skip practice?  Ask her, worse yet, what would happen if all the kids showed up, but the coach decided he didn’t feel like it.  This is a great opportunity to help your child see the big picture and talk with her about fulfilling her obligations.

The Reward

Your child may say that she loves the games, but doesn’t want to practice.  Unfortunately, that’s just not how it works.  Explain that the game is the reward, but in order to earn the reward, she has to do the work. Also, she probably wouldn’t like the games as much, or do as well, if she didn’t practice for them.  Whether she’s at school, playing sports, or at home doing chores, there is always going to be something that she likes doing the least, but it still has to get done.  No one wants to pick up the dog poop, but if you want to experience the joy and companionship of a dog, you’ve got to do it.  Likewise, everyone likes sledding down the hill, but you can’t enjoy the fun if you don’t walk up the hill first.

Throughout my ten year cycling career my ultimate goal was the Olympic Games.  Ten years is a long time to stay motivated, and there were times that I struggled.  However, I knew that I’d have to put in the work if I wanted to make the Olympic team. That is why, no matter how much I procrastinated, I always did my workout.  I knew that for every workout I skipped, one of my competitors was doing hers.  For me, the reward was so important, that I was willing to do the work no matter how I felt.

Remind your child that she isn’t alone.  It’s normal to feel unmotivated sometimes.  The real test is whether she’s going to give in to it.  If she likes what she’s doing, it’s worth doing all the way.

For more information about me, or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Posted in motivation, values and morals | 2 Comments »

Someone Is Always Watching

Monday, March 1st, 2010

This At Home……….

Without asking for specifics, as your child to think about a time when they did something that they regretted doing in public.  Have them imagine how much worse it would have been, if it were broadcast for the whole world to see.  If he wants to share the details that’s fine, but respect his privacy. Ask him how his actions affected him and how he thinks they may have affected others. (Family, friends, coach, etc.)

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Even if you’re not famous, someone is always watching.  You never know how your actions, good or bad, will affect those around you.  It could be as simple as your child watching how you react to a driver who cuts you off in traffic, or a stranger watching you help another stranger.  Help your child understand that their actions have consequences and that one moment of carelessness, in some cases, can have huge repercussions. 

With today’s technology, even for the “unknown,’ there really aren’t any private moments in public places.  Help your child understand the these days everyone has a camera, because everyone has a cell phone. His behavior, good or bad, is literally just a keystroke away from being in cyber space for everyone to see. If you are famous, or at least temporarily in the spotlight, it is even more crucial for you to think before you act. 

I was planning to write about seizing the moment, but I just saw a story on Geraldo At Large, on Fox, about all of the athletes gone wild at the Olympic Village, and felt compelled to blog about it.

Every Olympics there is a news story about all of the condoms shipped to the Olympic Village and a story about some athlete who gets a little too out of control. 

This Olympics the spot light is on the American snowboarder, Scotty Lago.  After winning the bronze medal, he went out to celebrate in Vancouver.  Someone shot a picture of him behaving questionably, and after its release on the internet, he volunteered to leave the Olympic Village, presumably with some pressure from the United States Olympic Committee.

The hot topic seems to be whether or not the Olympic Committee overreacted, but I prefer to focus on the lesson.  However, I do feel compelled to say this, when at the Olympics, athletes are representing more than themselves.  It’s natural for athletes to want to blow off steam after four years of preparation, and the huge let down that comes when all the pressure is off after competition.  However, athletes need to remember that while they are at competitions, they represent more than just themselves. They represent their families, sponsors and their country.  So, regardless of whether or not you think what Scotty did is worthy of getting booted from the Olympic Village, you have to take into account how it reflects on the other parties involved.  We know how the Olympic Committee reacted, but I can only imagine how his sponsors and family felt.   For some celebrities, even bad press is a good thing. For others, like Olympians and Tiger Woods, whose image is built on being wholesome and squeaky clean, it has the potential to be damaging.  (I say potential, because sometimes the public is surprisingly forgiving.)

Remind your child that besides having to deal with the consequences of his actions, he also potentially affects others around him, including  family, friends, team and school.  There is nothing wrong with having some fun, but there is also nothing wrong with keeping it under control and acting responsibly.

For younger children, my book, Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star, is a great way to start a discussion about how a person’s, “or sheep’s” behavior can affect those around him.  Please visit www.erinmirabella.com for more information about my children’s books.

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Posted in Role Models, Sportsmanship, values and morals | 3 Comments »

Taper- Resting Before A Competition For Peak Performance.

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Try This At Home………………………

Have your child hold her hands straight out to the side at shoulder height, like an airplane, for 30 seconds.  Depending on her age and ability you may need to make some adjustments by either decreasing or increasing the time or having her hold a water bottle in each hand for extra weight.  You want her to feel a little fatigue at the end of the 30 seconds, but most importantly, be successful in completing the task.  Afterward, tell her that this exercise is meant to show her what she can accomplish when she has allowed her body to rest before a performance.   

Next, have her hold her arms out first for 15 seconds, then 20 seconds and finally 25 seconds with a minute rest in-between.  After another minute or two of rest, have her hold her arms out for 30 seconds again, like she did in the first exercise.  Have her compare how she felt during the first 30 second exercise to the second time she did it.  Explain to her that  not allowing her body to rest and recover before a big competition can cause a less than optimal performance, just as it did in the second exercise. 

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Resting before a big competition or game is generally called a taper.  It is an extremely important part of achieving peak performance.  A complete taper is only done before the most important competitions.  A mini taper can be done before other competitions, but for some competitions your child may choose not to taper at all.  Your child needs to know what her ultimate goal is and understand that in order to be as prepared as possible, she may need to sacrifice by training through less important competitions.  In order to improve, she needs to increase her work load and intensity; if she is always tapering for relatively unimportant events, she won’t maximize her gains.

I found that racing unimportant races in a tired state was a great way to raise my game.  I am extremely competitive, so I always pushed myself harder in a race than I ever could train by myself, even when I was exhausted.

A mini taper generally ranges from a few days to a week.  During my career, my main goal each year was either the World Championships or the Olympics.  Therefore, before World Cups and important National selection races I only did a mini taper.  All of the coaches I worked with during my cycling career worked backward from my competition when they developed my taper. 

  • The day before my competition I did what we called,”openers”.  Openers were about half of a normal workout and focused on the heart rate zones and intensity I’d be using most in my race.  The purpose was to wake my body up and make sure it was ready to work hard again after several days of rest. 
  • Two days before my race I would go for an easy hour ride. 
  • Three days before my competition I would generally do an easy hour ride as well, but sometimes I would take completely off. 
  • Four and five days out I’d do a normal workout, but I would control myself and wouldn’t over do it.  If I did a second workout either day, it consisted of an easy half hour to hour ride.
  • Six days out I’d generally ride for an easy hour or two. 

A big taper can begin anywhere from a week to two weeks out from the competition. It follows the same structure as a mini taper, but is less dramatic further  from the competition.  In my regular training I generally trained three to four days in a row before taking an easy day.  Often I did two workouts a day.  For a big taper, two weeks out I’d decrease to one intense workout a day, and if there was a second workout it would just be an easy ride.  I’d also decrease the number of intense days between rest days, so instead of going three days before a rest day, I’d do two days or sometimes even one.

It is easy to think that more is better and that last minute cramming will pay off, but in general you child is better off going into her competition rested. That is a true statement for sports as well as other activities and academics.

Every athlete and every sport is different, but the principle is the same; peak performances come from rested athletes.  Decreasing her work load is the most import part of a taper, but making sure she is getting proper sleep and nutrition is also important.  She should know, that just because she has a rest day doesn’t mean she can go play Ultimate Frisbee with her friends, or spend hours on her feet shopping.  She truly needs to rest if she wants to perform at her best.  

For more information on myself or my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Goal Setting, Part 2

Monday, January 25th, 2010

 Try This At Home……………..

Next time your child fails at achieving her goal, have her make a list of everything that she did well and a list of all the things that did not go well.  Then have her analyze the second list and come up with ways to fix or improve upon them.   Once those things are fixed, have her try again.

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We’ve all failed to accomplish a goal at one time or another.  It’s normal to feel lousy when it happens, but the more productive response would be to figure out why it happened.  Cavett Robert said, “Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, is for you and you alone to decide.”  You can let your failures control and define you, or you can learn from them and use them to your advantage.  The choice is yours.

Fear of failure was the thing that I struggled most with during my cycling career.  I was so afraid of not being perfect that I would agonize over the possibility of failure.  Like everything in life, the thing that you dwell on is what comes to be, and left unchecked my fear became a self fulfilling prophesy.  Fear of failure is a separate post all to itself, but I mention it because in learning to deal with my fear, I learned an important lesson about failure…….While failure is unpleasant, it doesn’t make you a failure and it isn’t the end of the world.  It’s simply a step toward becoming successful.  You won’t find a successful person out there who hasn’t failed a few times in the process. 
                                                           
We all want to protect our kids and hate to see them fail, but as I’ve said over and over again in my blog posts, your child will learn far more from failing than they will from success.  Sure, failure isn’t any fun, but it can teach a valuable lesson. 

                                                                                    Reasons Why We Fail

We Went About It Wrong

Most likely the reason your child failed is because she went about it the wrong way.  This is the most valuable lesson in failing.  If she can realize where she went wrong and fix it, then the next time she’ll be successful. Help her analyze the situation and figure how she can improve.  

Lack of Motivation/ Follow Through

If your child seems unmotivated to do what is necessary to accomplish her goal, then it might be time for her to access if the goal is still important to her.  Sometimes priorities change.  My husband quit his wrestling career in the middle of a tournament.  In the middle of a match, he decided it just wasn’t fun anymore.

The other option may be that she just doesn’t want to put in the work.  She wants the reward that comes with accomplishing her goal, but she isn’t willing to do what it takes to get there.  In the end if she fails at her goal because of her work ethic then she’ll learn an important life lesson.  Letting her learn this lesson the hard way, while she is young, is the best gift you can give her.

Lack of focus

Your child may fail to accomplish her goals, because she isn’t focused enough at the task at hand.  She needs to choose which goal is most important and give that the most attention.  She may not know how to focus.  Focusing is a learned thing and is something that is crucial to success in all aspects of life.  Check out my previous prioritization blog for tips on teaching your child to prioritize and stay tuned in a few weeks for my post on the art of focusing. 

Unrealistic Expectations

Your child’s goals may be unrealistic.  If she fails to meet her goal it’s a great opportunity for her to be completely honest about why it happened.  She may have inadvertently set herself up for failure by setting an unrealistic goal.  Help her learn to set realistic goals.  This doesn’t mean that she can’t dream big, it just means she has to be realistic about things like her timetable, talents, abilities, etc.  Some goals take a long time to reach, and some people are better suited at achieving some goals than others.  

If she has failed to reach her goal the first thing she should look at is her timetable.  Maybe her goal would be more achievable if she gave herself more time.  She may also need to add in some additional sub-goals.  Maybe her plan is missing a few steps.

The harder thing for her to do will be to access her abilities. She may find her talents lend themselves better to a new and different goal. She may find she has more to lose by continuing her pursuit than she does by throwing in the towel.  The choice is never an easy one, but this too is an important lesson to learn. 

Part of learning to set goals, is learning what to do when it doesn’t work out.  It is an important skill set for your child to develop.  Learning from their failure will make them successful.

For more information on myself or my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com  My book, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race, is an excellent way to talk about overcoming fears with your child.

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Setting Goals

Monday, January 18th, 2010

Try This At Home……………………..

Using the steps below, have your child set a goal that he can accomplish in the next month or two.  (or less)

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Did you set a new years resolution this year?  Did your kids?

This post may have been more appropriate as the first one of the New Year, but hopefully it’s still relevant because you are sticking to your resolution.  If you didn’t make a resolution, or you’ve already given up on your resolution, don’t lose heart, this is the perfect time to get back on track. 

A New Years resolution is just a fancy way to say you’re setting a goal for yourself.  Occasionally you’ll hear someone say they aren’t a goal oriented person, or they don’t really know how to set goals, but most likely these people are setting goals everyday.  Every time they make a to-do list, a honey do list, or leave the house expecting to arrive at a destination at a particular time, they’ve set a goal.  They just may not realize it. 

Your kids do the same thing.  They may not know the word goal, but they set goals for themselves all the time.  They may want to ride a bike like their big brother, own a certain toy or score a goal in their next soccer game.  When my son Micah was about a year and a half old, he wanted to jump so badly.  He would bend his knees, crouch way down and throw himself upward, but his cute, little, flat feet never left the ground.   Finally, with enough practice, he got some air.  I tell you this, because if a one year old can set a goal and find a way to accomplish it, anyone can.

It’s never too early to teach your child about setting goals.  Having goals will help him to be successful, give him a purpose, help him learn to manage his time and resources, and give him a sense of accomplishment. 

I’ve found that often people are good at setting goals; they just have no idea what to do after that.  Here are some basic things you can teach your child about achieving his goals.

Make a Goal

If your child doesn’t already have a goal, have him come up with one.  Like I said, he probably already has a goal; he just may not have defined it as such.  Have him write his goal down.  Explain the importance sharing his goal with another person, because they can help with accountability and problem solving.

Break It Down

Next, ask him how he thinks he can go about reaching his goal.  Let him come up with some ideas.  Some goals are simple, like I need to get a load of laundry done today. The only thing you have to decide in order to accomplish that, is when specifically you’re going to do it.  Other goals are more complex, like making an Olympic Team.  Goals like that are so lofty, that they need to be broken down into mini sub-goals.    The sub-goals work like stair steps. Each time you accomplish a sub-goal you move one step closer to the big one. I think most people fall short of their goals, because they fail at this step. 

Here is an example.

  1. Set a goal.
  •  Running a mile in ten minutes.

     2. Break it up into mini-goals. 

  • Buy running shoes
  • Find a place to run and measure off a mile using the car odometer. (Find land marks at the quarter mile markers as well.)
  • Run a quarter mile
  • Run a half mile
  • Run three quarters of a mile
  • Run 1 mile
  • Time yourself while you run 1 mile.
  • Run a mile is less than twelve minutes.
  • Run a mile is less than eleven minutes.
  • Run a mile in less than ten minutes.

Set A Deadline

On a calendar, have him write his final goal on a specific date and highlight it.  That is his deadline.  Then, have him work backward and figure out when each sub goal needs to be accomplished in order to accomplish his final goal by the deadline.  Have him identify the deadline for each sub goal on the calendar as well.

Developing a Plan

Now that he has a goal, and sub goals, he will need to decide what needs to happen in order to accomplish his first sub goal.  Maybe he needs to put some other activities on hold so he has more time to devote to his goal.  He may need to do some research, get more sleep, or set a specific time each day he will practice.  Have him write his plan down.

What You Can Do

Be interested.  Ask him how his plan is going and help him trouble shoot.

Celebrate

Don’t forget to celebrate the milestones.  It is easy to be so focused on the final goal that the accomplishment of each mini goal is over looked. Make sure to give him a hug, tell him he’s doing a great job and how impressed you are with his persistence and discipline.  There doesn’t have to be a reward for each mini goal.  The sense of accomplishment should be reward enough, especially if the end goal is one he really wants to reach.

Stay tuned next week for part two of goal setting.  For more information on myself or my children’s books, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race and Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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