Posts Tagged ‘doing their best’

Self Reliance

Sunday, July 25th, 2010

Thanks for you patience the last few weeks.  We had a death in the family and after the unexpected travel it took me a while to get organized.

Team Work is important and useful, but sometimes the only person your child will have to rely on is herself.  Sometimes the best person to do the job is your child; teaching her how to get it done on her own will help her on the field, in school, and later in life.  We’ve all heard the saying, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.  I usually think of that saying to mean that someone else messed up, but if we choose to look at it in a positive light, it really has more to do with your personal ability to do something well.

There are moments in life where your child will have to make a decision, maybe a split second one, about how to handle a situation.  She may be able to look for help from a teammate, schoolmate, or co-worker, but sometimes no one is around who can or will help.  In those moments she needs to believe that she can get the job done herself and act without hesitation. In some cases, even a moment’s hesitation or a look for help at the wrong time can be the difference between success and failure.   

Failure to rely on herself is most likely the result of lack of confidence, or possibly a little laziness.   Everyone suffers from lack of confidence now and again, but making it a habit can be costly. 

I had a costly lapse of confidence during a road race in 2004. The bike race was part of a stage race.  A stage race is a several day race.  Each day there is a new race and the total time of that day’s race is added to the previous day’s total time. The winner is the cyclist who, when the last race has been finished, has completed all of the racing in the least amount of time.  So, you can win a stage of the stage race and not win the overall race.  I was having a fantastic stage race and was sitting fairly high in the overall.  On a climb several of the other highly ranked girls attacked the group and opened up a gap between themselves and the rest of us.  I was chasing them down, gaining slowly and dragging everyone else in my group along behind me.  I was tired and had a little lap in confidence.  I realized other riders were behind me and I thought I’d turn to them for help.  I pulled off to the side and the girl behind me took her turn at front, but she was going slower and we lost momentum.  By the time I realized we were slowing down it was too late.  I surged around her and continued my chase, but by that time the women had too big of a gap and we never caught them.  At the end of the stage I moved down in the overall standings and wasn’t able to gain the time back during the rest of the stage race.

I still regret my moment of hesitation, but while it was a hard lesson, it was also a good lesson.  One that I hope will come in handy the next time I need to rely on myself.  Talk with your child about her abilities and help her have confidence in them.  Let her know that there will be times when she is best off doing something by herself and when that time comes, she’ll be ready.

Remember to check out Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race and Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star,  if you are looking for a unique gift for a child in your life.  Visit www.erinmirabella.com to order a personalized, autographed copy.

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Building A Foundation

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Thanks for checking back again this week.  I appreciate you coming back to check out my blog this week and hope that you’ll tell a friend about it. 

Try This At Home……………………….

Gather together blocks of different sizes and shapes.   You’ll need some that are very small and light and some that are big and heavy.  Have your child build a tower using the smallest, lightest blocks on the bottom and the biggest, heaviest blocks on top.  Have him note how many blocks he uses and how high the tower gets before it topples over.  Next, have him build another tower using the biggest, heaviest blocks on the bottom and the smallest, lightest blocks on top.  Again, have him note how many blocks he uses and how high the tower gets.  Explain that the towers of blocks are like his success in life.  The bottom layer of blocks in the tower equals the amount of work and practice he puts into his activities. If he is diligent and works hard on the basic skills, he is laying a foundation of big, heavy blocks for his tower, and his tower will be sturdy and high.  Likewise, if he skips practice, or doesn’t master the basic skills of his activity, he is laying a foundation of small, light blocks for his tower and it won’t get very high before it topples.

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From the day your child is born, a foundation of knowledge, experience and morals is being laid which his entire life is built upon.  Just as your child isn’t ready to head off to first grade without first learning all of the things that are taught in kindergarten, he isn’t ready to play the game, before he’s learned the rules and basic skills that go along with it.

It isn’t uncommon for your child to want to put the cart before the horse and skip to the fun part, the game, race or fancy tricks, but without a foundation he won’t be nearly as successful.  Practice isn’t always fun, but it is a necessary part of becoming good at anything.  The whole idea is for the boring part to become automatic, so your child doesn’t even have to think about it.  Later, in the most critical, challenging and stressful moments, he can fall back on the boring basics and they will carry him through.  When he is challenged the moral, physical and academic foundation he built will keep him from toppling over.  The beginning stuff may be boring, but it is vital to being able to do the fancier stuff later.

In soccer for example, your child and his team will have a much better season if they first work on building up their fitness through running, and the basic skills of dribbling, trapping and passing the ball. 

I was surprised the first time the national team coach sat me down and showed me an entire years training and racing plan, and then a multiple year plan for making the Olympic team.  I was used to following a training schedule, but it had never occurred to me that my day to day workouts were part of a carefully calculated plan that built upon itself month after month.  Beginning with the end of the previous season, my training schedule built upon itself in frequency, duration and intensity all culminating at the years ultimate goal, the World Championships.  My training was based on five heart rate zones.  In the early months of the season I did long easy miles, working in zone one and two and building a low intensity base of endurance; the miles gradually increased until I was riding for four to five hours at a time.  Later, zone three, four and five were added, but without the foundation of miles I wouldn’t have been able to handle nearly as much volume and intensity.  When training and racing got tough I was able to fall back on the foundation I’d built and it helped keep me from collapsing during a race or tough workout.

 The next time your child is being impatient and wants to get to the good part, remind him of the towers he built and explain that building a strong, solid foundation is vital to his success.

For more information on me and my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Self-discipline

Monday, April 19th, 2010

Try This At Home…………………..

Take your child to a hill that is safe for him to run up, preferably at a time when no one is around.  It doesn’t matter how long, short, steep or gradual the hill is, just something he can run up.  Park the car where you can’t really see the hill.  Tell him you are going to wait in the car and that he should go run up the hill as fast as he can and then come right back.  Tell him you’re going to wait in the car.  When he gets back, go back to the hill with him.  Have him run up the hill as fast as he can again, but this time watch him run up the hill, or better yet, run up it with him.  When you have both caught your breath, ask him if he ran up the hill harder when he was by himself, when you were with him, or if he put in the same effort both times.  Explain that pushing himself to run up the hill just as hard when he was alone, required discipline.  Explain that discipline is the ability to push and motivate himself to do something when no one is watching.  Then, since you are there, you and your child can run up the hill a few more times if you want, it’s a great work out, and you can test your own discipline. 

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A lot of the time during my cycling career I trained by myself out on the road, with no one to push me but myself.  I remember standing at the bottom of a hill on a blistering hot day in California, thinking how funny it was that a person would torture herself by going repeatedly up a hill as hard as she could with no one watching.  I did it because it was what my coach had scheduled me to do that day and more importantly, because it was what it was going to take to accomplish my goal.  That is discipline; it is not something that necessarily comes naturally, but instead a learned thing, a practiced thing. It is what sports can help instill in your child, especially if he has the right coach and role models. 

Self-discipline is doing something not because you want to, but because you know you should.  Discipline is pushing yourself hard, even when no one is watching.  It is putting everything into your workout, even though every muscle in your body is screaming in pain, and it is not eating a cookie, even though they are sitting there on the counter taunting you.  Discipline is what it takes to succeed and true discipline is self contrived and motivated. 

If your child is school aged, ask him to think about the last time his teacher had to step out of the room for a minute.  Ask him what happened.  Did all of the kids keep working?  Did some of the kids get up and goof around?  What did they do?  Explain that those students who stayed in the seats and kept working demonstrated self-discipline.

If your child is younger, you can use this analogy.  Ask your child to think of a time when you asked him to pick up his toys while you were doing something else.  Ask him what happened?  Did he pick up his toys, or did he play with them instead?  Did he wait to pick them up until you were in the room?  Explain that picking up the toys, even though you weren’t in the room, showed discipline.

We all are capable of self-discipline; we just have to make up our minds to do it.  Some days are easier than others, and each of us is more disciplined at certain activities than others.  The more something means to your child, the more disciplined he will be.  The beautiful thing about discipline is this, even if your child failed a hundred times before to be disciplined in a certain area, each day is a new day to try again.  Practice makes perfect!

Discipline comes in handy with sports, but it will be even more important when your child is studying for a test, heading off to college, or starting his first job.   Help your child start practicing self-discipline and try to set a good example; your child will reap the benefits of being disciplined.

Please, share this blog with a friend!  For more information about me and my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Sacrificing To Accomplish A Goal

Monday, April 12th, 2010

 Thanks for checking back this week.  I hope you all had a wonderful Easter; I enjoyed my time with my family.

Try This At Home

Tie one end of a long rope to something and place a basket or box near where it is tied.  Stretch the rope out and lay it on the ground.  Alongside the rope, set up distractions: your child’s favorite treat, a game she likes to play, a cell phone, etc.  Have her hold the lose end of the rope and a ball.  Her objective is, in less than a minute, to make her way to the basket by moving along the rope, hand over hand, and then drop the ball into the basket.  She must keep at least one hand on the rope at all times and can not drop the ball.  She may have to tuck the ball under her arm.  As she works her way along the rope point out the distractions you’ve set out.  Explain that she doesn’t have time to stop and enjoy them if she wants to reach her objective and accomplish her goal; sometimes she will need to make sacrifices in order to get the job done.

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Making sacrifices is part of life.  We all make choices about what is most important to us and set priorities.  There is only so much time in a day and our resources are limited.  My posts on setting goals and priorities are important building blocks for one. As I say in those posts, it’s important for you to help your child set goals and prioritize the activities in her life. Once your child has a goal, she will most likely need to make sacrifices in order to accomplish it.  She may have to sacrifice certain foods, her time with friends or her participation in other activities.  Explain to her that sacrifices usually aren’t easy, pleasant or comfortable, but are worthwhile if she values the goal enough.

I started training quite seriously for cycling at a pretty young age and quickly learned about the need to make sacrifices.  I chose to quit swim team in order to have more time for cycling, not to take a month long summer school trip to different historic locations around the United States, and ultimately chose to graduate a year early so I could focus more on my cycling.  Throughout my career I sacrificed physically, emotionally and financially in order to accomplish my goal of making an Olympic team.  What is worth sacrificing is a very personal decision, and sometimes it changes as you go.  Sit down with your child and ask her what sacrifices she thinks she needs to make in order to accomplish her goals.  Next, ask her if she is willing to make them.

For more information about me or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Goal accomplished! What’s next?

Monday, February 1st, 2010

Try This At Home…………………….

If you haven’t already, have your child do the exercises at the beginning of the first and second goal setting posts.  Next have child write out a plan for after he’s accomplished his goal.  How does he want to celebrate? How long of a break does he want to take? What is his next step or goal to focus on?

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After spending time, energy, resources and pinning hopes and dreams on achieving a goal, there is often a void and let down after the goal has been accomplished and the attention and accolades have stopped.  The honest truth is that success and the attention that goes with it are addicting.  Just like any addiction, you can only ride the high for so long. 

There are a few things you can do to ease the feelings your child may feel after he has accomplished his goal.

1. Explain that what he is feeling is normal.  You may even choose to prepare him ahead of time that it may be coming. Just knowing why he feels the way he does might help.

2. Keep him busy.  It’s okay to allow for a day or two of down time, but then get him back into his routine.

3. Don’t forget to celebrate his accomplishment.  Let him enjoy the attention, but don’t let it go to his head.  If you stay humble, he’s more likely too.

4. Teach him to achieve for himself, not for attention from other people.

5. Most importantly, have him set another goal.  Knowing what is next will give him a purpose again and something new to focus on. 

Make sure he takes care of himself.  Despite the potential lack of sleep and poor diet that may go along with the celebration, it’s important he stays healthy.  I got sick every year after the World Championships.  After a whole year of planning and preparing for it, my body just seemed to let go once it was over.  As soon as I had relaxed and my guard was down, bam, I’d get sick.  Help your child safe guard against this. 

The downer isn’t any fun, but it is just a fact of life.  The harsh reality is, to many people you are only as good as your last accomplishment and, sooner than later, the accomplishment is old news.  It’s not a fun reality, but learning to cope with it now will make it easier on your child later in life.

For more information on myself and my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Goal Setting, Part 2

Monday, January 25th, 2010

 Try This At Home……………..

Next time your child fails at achieving her goal, have her make a list of everything that she did well and a list of all the things that did not go well.  Then have her analyze the second list and come up with ways to fix or improve upon them.   Once those things are fixed, have her try again.

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We’ve all failed to accomplish a goal at one time or another.  It’s normal to feel lousy when it happens, but the more productive response would be to figure out why it happened.  Cavett Robert said, “Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, is for you and you alone to decide.”  You can let your failures control and define you, or you can learn from them and use them to your advantage.  The choice is yours.

Fear of failure was the thing that I struggled most with during my cycling career.  I was so afraid of not being perfect that I would agonize over the possibility of failure.  Like everything in life, the thing that you dwell on is what comes to be, and left unchecked my fear became a self fulfilling prophesy.  Fear of failure is a separate post all to itself, but I mention it because in learning to deal with my fear, I learned an important lesson about failure…….While failure is unpleasant, it doesn’t make you a failure and it isn’t the end of the world.  It’s simply a step toward becoming successful.  You won’t find a successful person out there who hasn’t failed a few times in the process. 
                                                           
We all want to protect our kids and hate to see them fail, but as I’ve said over and over again in my blog posts, your child will learn far more from failing than they will from success.  Sure, failure isn’t any fun, but it can teach a valuable lesson. 

                                                                                    Reasons Why We Fail

We Went About It Wrong

Most likely the reason your child failed is because she went about it the wrong way.  This is the most valuable lesson in failing.  If she can realize where she went wrong and fix it, then the next time she’ll be successful. Help her analyze the situation and figure how she can improve.  

Lack of Motivation/ Follow Through

If your child seems unmotivated to do what is necessary to accomplish her goal, then it might be time for her to access if the goal is still important to her.  Sometimes priorities change.  My husband quit his wrestling career in the middle of a tournament.  In the middle of a match, he decided it just wasn’t fun anymore.

The other option may be that she just doesn’t want to put in the work.  She wants the reward that comes with accomplishing her goal, but she isn’t willing to do what it takes to get there.  In the end if she fails at her goal because of her work ethic then she’ll learn an important life lesson.  Letting her learn this lesson the hard way, while she is young, is the best gift you can give her.

Lack of focus

Your child may fail to accomplish her goals, because she isn’t focused enough at the task at hand.  She needs to choose which goal is most important and give that the most attention.  She may not know how to focus.  Focusing is a learned thing and is something that is crucial to success in all aspects of life.  Check out my previous prioritization blog for tips on teaching your child to prioritize and stay tuned in a few weeks for my post on the art of focusing. 

Unrealistic Expectations

Your child’s goals may be unrealistic.  If she fails to meet her goal it’s a great opportunity for her to be completely honest about why it happened.  She may have inadvertently set herself up for failure by setting an unrealistic goal.  Help her learn to set realistic goals.  This doesn’t mean that she can’t dream big, it just means she has to be realistic about things like her timetable, talents, abilities, etc.  Some goals take a long time to reach, and some people are better suited at achieving some goals than others.  

If she has failed to reach her goal the first thing she should look at is her timetable.  Maybe her goal would be more achievable if she gave herself more time.  She may also need to add in some additional sub-goals.  Maybe her plan is missing a few steps.

The harder thing for her to do will be to access her abilities. She may find her talents lend themselves better to a new and different goal. She may find she has more to lose by continuing her pursuit than she does by throwing in the towel.  The choice is never an easy one, but this too is an important lesson to learn. 

Part of learning to set goals, is learning what to do when it doesn’t work out.  It is an important skill set for your child to develop.  Learning from their failure will make them successful.

For more information on myself or my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com  My book, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race, is an excellent way to talk about overcoming fears with your child.

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Setting Goals

Monday, January 18th, 2010

Try This At Home……………………..

Using the steps below, have your child set a goal that he can accomplish in the next month or two.  (or less)

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Did you set a new years resolution this year?  Did your kids?

This post may have been more appropriate as the first one of the New Year, but hopefully it’s still relevant because you are sticking to your resolution.  If you didn’t make a resolution, or you’ve already given up on your resolution, don’t lose heart, this is the perfect time to get back on track. 

A New Years resolution is just a fancy way to say you’re setting a goal for yourself.  Occasionally you’ll hear someone say they aren’t a goal oriented person, or they don’t really know how to set goals, but most likely these people are setting goals everyday.  Every time they make a to-do list, a honey do list, or leave the house expecting to arrive at a destination at a particular time, they’ve set a goal.  They just may not realize it. 

Your kids do the same thing.  They may not know the word goal, but they set goals for themselves all the time.  They may want to ride a bike like their big brother, own a certain toy or score a goal in their next soccer game.  When my son Micah was about a year and a half old, he wanted to jump so badly.  He would bend his knees, crouch way down and throw himself upward, but his cute, little, flat feet never left the ground.   Finally, with enough practice, he got some air.  I tell you this, because if a one year old can set a goal and find a way to accomplish it, anyone can.

It’s never too early to teach your child about setting goals.  Having goals will help him to be successful, give him a purpose, help him learn to manage his time and resources, and give him a sense of accomplishment. 

I’ve found that often people are good at setting goals; they just have no idea what to do after that.  Here are some basic things you can teach your child about achieving his goals.

Make a Goal

If your child doesn’t already have a goal, have him come up with one.  Like I said, he probably already has a goal; he just may not have defined it as such.  Have him write his goal down.  Explain the importance sharing his goal with another person, because they can help with accountability and problem solving.

Break It Down

Next, ask him how he thinks he can go about reaching his goal.  Let him come up with some ideas.  Some goals are simple, like I need to get a load of laundry done today. The only thing you have to decide in order to accomplish that, is when specifically you’re going to do it.  Other goals are more complex, like making an Olympic Team.  Goals like that are so lofty, that they need to be broken down into mini sub-goals.    The sub-goals work like stair steps. Each time you accomplish a sub-goal you move one step closer to the big one. I think most people fall short of their goals, because they fail at this step. 

Here is an example.

  1. Set a goal.
  •  Running a mile in ten minutes.

     2. Break it up into mini-goals. 

  • Buy running shoes
  • Find a place to run and measure off a mile using the car odometer. (Find land marks at the quarter mile markers as well.)
  • Run a quarter mile
  • Run a half mile
  • Run three quarters of a mile
  • Run 1 mile
  • Time yourself while you run 1 mile.
  • Run a mile is less than twelve minutes.
  • Run a mile is less than eleven minutes.
  • Run a mile in less than ten minutes.

Set A Deadline

On a calendar, have him write his final goal on a specific date and highlight it.  That is his deadline.  Then, have him work backward and figure out when each sub goal needs to be accomplished in order to accomplish his final goal by the deadline.  Have him identify the deadline for each sub goal on the calendar as well.

Developing a Plan

Now that he has a goal, and sub goals, he will need to decide what needs to happen in order to accomplish his first sub goal.  Maybe he needs to put some other activities on hold so he has more time to devote to his goal.  He may need to do some research, get more sleep, or set a specific time each day he will practice.  Have him write his plan down.

What You Can Do

Be interested.  Ask him how his plan is going and help him trouble shoot.

Celebrate

Don’t forget to celebrate the milestones.  It is easy to be so focused on the final goal that the accomplishment of each mini goal is over looked. Make sure to give him a hug, tell him he’s doing a great job and how impressed you are with his persistence and discipline.  There doesn’t have to be a reward for each mini goal.  The sense of accomplishment should be reward enough, especially if the end goal is one he really wants to reach.

Stay tuned next week for part two of goal setting.  For more information on myself or my children’s books, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race and Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Raising Confident Kids

Monday, November 30th, 2009

Try This At Home………………

Take a glass jar and at least thirty colored strips of paper.  On each strip of paper have your child write down one thing that he or she likes about his or herself or does well.  Fill the jar with the strips and have them put the jar someplace they will see it everyday.  The next time your child is feeling down or is lacking confidence, have he or she read through all of the papers in the jar and remember how blessed and loved he or she is.  You can always have your child add five or ten more strips to the jar for good measure.

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I recently spoke to a group of moms with children ages 0-5, about how sports can facilitate teaching their children the fundamentals for success.  One of the discussion questions afterward asked if there was a related issue that their child was struggling with.  Two of the moms said their child lacked self-confidence and one said her son was over confident.  This caught me off guard; I hadn’t expected children to be struggling with confidence at such a young age.  It reaffirmed for me what an important topic confidence was and how vital a healthy self-confidence is to a child’s happiness and well-being. 

This post is going to focus on lack of self-confidence and I’ll tackle the issue of being over-confident next week. 

Sports, or any activity that your child loves, are a great opportunity to increase confidence.  The most important thing, is to help your child find a sport, or activity, that he or she loves and can excel at.  Your child’s success will help them gain confidence in his or herself and abilities.

In addition, being in sports, especially team sports, makes it easier for kids to meet people and make friends.  Two of the biggest concerns for children and adults alike are being accepted and worrying what people think of them. In sports your child already shares something in common with his or her teammates and that makes developing a friendship that much easier.  Furthermore, sports offer the opportunity to develop social skills such as teamwork, tact, cooperation and compassion.  

We all worry about what we look like. For tweens and teens their changing bodies can be a confusing and sensitive subject.  An added bonus of sports is that they make kids more aware of, and in tune with, their bodies.  Athletes tend to be very comfortable with their bodies and have a more realistic expectation of what their bodies should look like.  They can compare themselves to other athletes instead of the models they see in magazines, and they’ll understand that bodies can be used for more than just looking good. 

Another added benefit is that self-confident kids are less likely to fold to peer pressure, more willing to try new things and probably more successful, because they believe they will succeed.

There are two steps to gaining confidence, building it up and maintaining it.  Sometimes an incident can get in your head and mess with your confidence forever.  It’s happened to all of us and years later we are still haunted by it.  That’s why it is so important for your child to get back up on the horse after a fall, so to speak.  While my husband Chris and I were discussing this week’s post, he pointed out that in the NFL, teams often give the ball back to a player immediately after they fumble or miss a catch, in order to rebuild their confidence right away.  The longer your child has to think about a mistake before he or she performs again, the more it can shake his or her confidence. It is better to address it as soon as possible.

Lastly, whether it is in sports, school, or in daily chores around the house, celebrate your child’s accomplishments big and small.  You don’t have to compliment him or her for the sake of it, but when they have earned it, go ahead and give it.  A compliment coming from you will mean so much to your child and will build his or her confidence immensely. Sometimes it’s easy to take accomplishments for granted, or to brag to your friends but forget to tell your child how proud of him or her you are.  Your child wants to please and impress you, and you can use that to help build his or her self-confidence by praising them.

I won my first senior national points race championship when I was 20 years old.  I had one of the greatest races of my life.  I raced hard and finished the race absolutely exhausted.  By the time I recovered, I was whisked away to awards, drug testing, etc., etc.  Afterward, my very proud boyfriend, the one I married, commented that I hadn’t even seemed to enjoy it, and I didn’t even take a moment to celebrate with him.  I realized he was right.  I was so busy doing what I was supposed to, what was expected of me and focusing on what was next, that I forgot to enjoy it.  If the person winning can forget to celebrate, then it has to be even easier for parents and others to forget to share how proud they are of their child.

Confidence is a fragile thing.  Help your child build it and nourish it, so that he or she can enjoy success of all kinds. 

In my children’s book, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race, Gracie struggles with confidence and fears.  the book is a great way to start a conversation with your kiddo about these important things.

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Losing is a good lesson for kids.

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

Try This At Home…………………

The next time your child loses, use the opportunity to help him or her learn from the situation. Have your child draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. On the top of one side write Good and on the top of the other side write Improve.  First, on the Good side, write down all of the things he or she did well.  Then, on the Improve side, write down all the things he or she could have done better.  Look at the list of things to work on and come up with ways to practice or fix them for the next time.  Remind your child that everyone wants to win, but we don’t learn nearly as much when we do;  losing is an opportunity to raise his or her game to the next level.

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We all want our children to be winners and to protect them from life’s cruel realities, but unfortunately, losing is a fact of life and we do them an injustice by insulating them from it.  No matter how hard we try to shield them, eventually they are going to lose.  If they learn at a young age how to cope with and learn from losing, they will be better equipped for the real world. No one is successful at everything they do and not many are successful their first time. There is only one winner and there are many losers.

Teach your children to look at losing as a learning opportunity.  They don’t have to like losing and its okay to be disappointed, but they might as well make the best of it.  Also, teach them to be a gracious winner and loser.  Nobody likes the kid who throws the bat or helmet and stomps off. No matter how difficult it is, they should always congratulate their opponent and show respect to the officials and coaches. 

I remember sitting in the bleachers watching Junior National Track Cycling Championships in Trexlertown, Pennsylvania.  One of the local sprinters lost his race.  He came off the track in a huff and threw his expensive bike and ripped off his helmet and smashed it to the ground.  Neither his parents nor coach reprimanded him, but my mom used his poor display of sportsmanship to briefly talk with my sister and I about the inappropriateness of his behavior and what the proper thing to do would have been.

There is nothing wrong with your kids wanting to win, that’s why they play the game, but the real goal every time they compete should be to do their best. In the end, that’s all they can do.  Losing is just another tool they can use to help them do their best.

My children’s books, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race and Shawn Sheep the Soccer Star, are great ways to start a discussion with your kids about sportsmanship and they make great Christmas gifts.  Check out www.erinmirabella.com for more information.

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Posted in Sportsmanship, losing | 2 Comments »