Archive for the ‘Goal Setting’ Category

Building A Foundation

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Thanks for checking back again this week.  I appreciate you coming back to check out my blog this week and hope that you’ll tell a friend about it. 

Try This At Home……………………….

Gather together blocks of different sizes and shapes.   You’ll need some that are very small and light and some that are big and heavy.  Have your child build a tower using the smallest, lightest blocks on the bottom and the biggest, heaviest blocks on top.  Have him note how many blocks he uses and how high the tower gets before it topples over.  Next, have him build another tower using the biggest, heaviest blocks on the bottom and the smallest, lightest blocks on top.  Again, have him note how many blocks he uses and how high the tower gets.  Explain that the towers of blocks are like his success in life.  The bottom layer of blocks in the tower equals the amount of work and practice he puts into his activities. If he is diligent and works hard on the basic skills, he is laying a foundation of big, heavy blocks for his tower, and his tower will be sturdy and high.  Likewise, if he skips practice, or doesn’t master the basic skills of his activity, he is laying a foundation of small, light blocks for his tower and it won’t get very high before it topples.

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From the day your child is born, a foundation of knowledge, experience and morals is being laid which his entire life is built upon.  Just as your child isn’t ready to head off to first grade without first learning all of the things that are taught in kindergarten, he isn’t ready to play the game, before he’s learned the rules and basic skills that go along with it.

It isn’t uncommon for your child to want to put the cart before the horse and skip to the fun part, the game, race or fancy tricks, but without a foundation he won’t be nearly as successful.  Practice isn’t always fun, but it is a necessary part of becoming good at anything.  The whole idea is for the boring part to become automatic, so your child doesn’t even have to think about it.  Later, in the most critical, challenging and stressful moments, he can fall back on the boring basics and they will carry him through.  When he is challenged the moral, physical and academic foundation he built will keep him from toppling over.  The beginning stuff may be boring, but it is vital to being able to do the fancier stuff later.

In soccer for example, your child and his team will have a much better season if they first work on building up their fitness through running, and the basic skills of dribbling, trapping and passing the ball. 

I was surprised the first time the national team coach sat me down and showed me an entire years training and racing plan, and then a multiple year plan for making the Olympic team.  I was used to following a training schedule, but it had never occurred to me that my day to day workouts were part of a carefully calculated plan that built upon itself month after month.  Beginning with the end of the previous season, my training schedule built upon itself in frequency, duration and intensity all culminating at the years ultimate goal, the World Championships.  My training was based on five heart rate zones.  In the early months of the season I did long easy miles, working in zone one and two and building a low intensity base of endurance; the miles gradually increased until I was riding for four to five hours at a time.  Later, zone three, four and five were added, but without the foundation of miles I wouldn’t have been able to handle nearly as much volume and intensity.  When training and racing got tough I was able to fall back on the foundation I’d built and it helped keep me from collapsing during a race or tough workout.

 The next time your child is being impatient and wants to get to the good part, remind him of the towers he built and explain that building a strong, solid foundation is vital to his success.

For more information on me and my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Focus

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Try This At Home…………………………………….

Have your child, and at least three other people, stand in one of the two configurations below.  The one you chose depends on the number of people you are playing with.  Each letter represents a person.   The people represented by the letters bolded and in italics, should start with the ball.  Each letter, throws the ball to the letter that follows them alphabetically. (For example, A throws to B, B to C, C to D and D to A.)  Each time a person throws the ball, they need to yell out their own name.  As soon as a person throws the ball, they need to prepare to catch the ball from the letter that precedes them alphabetically.  (A will be catching the ball from person D.)  I suggest tossing the ball underhand. 

Here is an example of how the game will go.   Assuming you are playing with four people, give person A and C the ball.  When you say go, person A should throw the ball to person B, and yell their own name out loudly as they throw.  At the same time, person C should throw the ball to person D and yell their own name.  Person B should catch the ball and throw it to person C, and person C should catch the ball from B and throw it to person D.  With two balls in play, everyone will either be throwing and yelling their name or catching.  Play the game until someone messes up.   You may want to play it a few times until everyone gets the hang of it.  This game shows how important focus is.   It will teach your child to focus on what they need to do and ignore all of the distractions.  The exercise also shows the importance of teamwork.  Everyone has to work together to keep the game going and if one person messes up; they mess up the game for everyone. 

configuration 1- for four people.

A           C

D            B   

configuration 2- for five people.

        D

A              B

   C        E                                      

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Being able to focus is one of the key tools of success.  Focus will help your child in sports and school.  Good focus will allow her to tune out distractions and accomplish her objective, whether that be scoring a goal or finishing a paper.  Focus comes with practice and the more your child does it, the better she will get.

There are two kids of focus, a big picture focus and a small picture focus.   Having a big picture focus will allow your child to stay focused, day in and day out, in order to achieve a long term goal.  Small picture focus will allow her to tune out distractions and zone in on the immediate task at hand.

In order to practice both big picture and small picture focus, your child needs to have something to focus on.  It’s important for her to have a goal.  Make sure to read my three part blog on goals and help your child develop some goals.

For big picture focus, it helps to have a plan that defines a daily or weekly task to be completed until the ultimate goal is achieved.  Had I not had a day by day training program to help prepare me for the Olympics, it would have been very hard to stay focused and keep my eye on the prize.  Four years is a long time to stay focused!

For small picture focus, it helps to have a routine.  Make sure to check out my post on pre-competition routines and help your child develop one.  The key to small picture focus is for your child to worry about herself and no one else.  She needs to lose herself in her task.  Obviously, if her task is to beat her competition, she’ll need to pay attention to her competition during the event, but she doesn’t need to worry about what warm up they are doing,  who is in the crowd, what she is doing later that day or if her hair is messed up.

Small picture focus is also the ability to set aside and forget about the little hiccups that come up.  Things don’t always go perfectly, and when things go wrong, it’s important for your child to hunker down and do what needs to be done.  Worrying about, and dwelling on, things that have gone wrong, won’t help her achieve her goal. 

Here are some things that can help, not all of my suggestions will be appropriate in all situations. 

Music- putting head phone on will help keep people from bothering your child, and listening to music she likes, will pump her up and help her focus.  With enough practice she can condition herself to focus every time she hears that music. 

Self talk- Have your child mentally talk herself through what needs to be done.  It might help to have a phrase she uses to snap herself into focus.  Something like, “It’s Time.”

Environment- Teach your child to make the best of her environment and eliminate as many distractions as possible.  For example, she can choose to sit far away from a goofball classmate.

Despite how hard the travel was, and the fact that international races were always important ones, I always found it easier to focus when I was racing over seas.  Since I couldn’t understand most of what the announcers were saying, or any of the conversations in foreign languages, it was easy to tune everyone out and disappear into my own little world.  In the beginning of my career I didn’t know my foreign competition well, so it was easier to worry about what I needed to do, instead of what my competition was doing;  I didn’t know anything about them, so I couldn’t worry about them.  That environment, along with my routine and music, allowed me to get in the zone and get the job done.  As I became more experienced, I tried to achieve that mindset at every race I did, regardless of where it was.

So, the next time your child is zoned out watching television and doesn’t hear you call her name, don’t be too hard on her, she was just practicing her focus.

Come back next Monday for another blog.  For more information about myself, or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Sacrificing To Accomplish A Goal

Monday, April 12th, 2010

 Thanks for checking back this week.  I hope you all had a wonderful Easter; I enjoyed my time with my family.

Try This At Home

Tie one end of a long rope to something and place a basket or box near where it is tied.  Stretch the rope out and lay it on the ground.  Alongside the rope, set up distractions: your child’s favorite treat, a game she likes to play, a cell phone, etc.  Have her hold the lose end of the rope and a ball.  Her objective is, in less than a minute, to make her way to the basket by moving along the rope, hand over hand, and then drop the ball into the basket.  She must keep at least one hand on the rope at all times and can not drop the ball.  She may have to tuck the ball under her arm.  As she works her way along the rope point out the distractions you’ve set out.  Explain that she doesn’t have time to stop and enjoy them if she wants to reach her objective and accomplish her goal; sometimes she will need to make sacrifices in order to get the job done.

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Making sacrifices is part of life.  We all make choices about what is most important to us and set priorities.  There is only so much time in a day and our resources are limited.  My posts on setting goals and priorities are important building blocks for one. As I say in those posts, it’s important for you to help your child set goals and prioritize the activities in her life. Once your child has a goal, she will most likely need to make sacrifices in order to accomplish it.  She may have to sacrifice certain foods, her time with friends or her participation in other activities.  Explain to her that sacrifices usually aren’t easy, pleasant or comfortable, but are worthwhile if she values the goal enough.

I started training quite seriously for cycling at a pretty young age and quickly learned about the need to make sacrifices.  I chose to quit swim team in order to have more time for cycling, not to take a month long summer school trip to different historic locations around the United States, and ultimately chose to graduate a year early so I could focus more on my cycling.  Throughout my career I sacrificed physically, emotionally and financially in order to accomplish my goal of making an Olympic team.  What is worth sacrificing is a very personal decision, and sometimes it changes as you go.  Sit down with your child and ask her what sacrifices she thinks she needs to make in order to accomplish her goals.  Next, ask her if she is willing to make them.

For more information about me or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Risk Taking

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Try This At Home…………………

Take three paper bags. In the first bag, place one piece of candy that your child really likes.  In the second bag, place two pieces of the same candy.  In the third bag, place one piece of her favorite candy.  Place the three closed paper bags in front of your child.  Don’t let her touch them.  Tell her that the first bag contains one piece of the candy she really likes. She can choose to take that bag, or she can take a risk and chose one of the other bags.  Explain that by accepting the risk and taking one of the other bags, she may find an even better surprise, but it could also be just an empty bag.  Tell her that the purpose of the exercise is to encourage her to take smart risks.  Share the rest of the blog with her.  

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Each of us has a choice; we can live safe in our comfort zone, or we can challenge ourselves and take some calculated risks.  Taking smart risks offers us the possibility of  achieving more than we ever could have imagined.  There is a saying I like, I believe it’s also a book title. “Shoot for the moon: even if  you miss you’ll land among the stars.” 

When it comes to taking a risk, the question you need to ask yourself is, “What have you got to lose?”  More often than not, the answer is, nothing but a bit of pride.  Taking a calculated risk is often what it takes to get ahead.  If we always live life in our comfort zone we don’t allow ourselves many opportunities to shine.   Likewise, if we always know what the outcome is before we start, we never get a chance to find out what we’re truly are capable of.  I think it’s safe to say that a lot of  people underestimate themselves.

On the other hand, sometimes there is something to lose from taking a risk. A risk is just that, a risk, there is no guarantee. That is why I like to use the term calculated risk.  Your child will need to weigh her choices, sometimes rather quickly.  If the potential upside, outweighs the potential downside, then it is probably a risk worth taking.  Likewise, the opposite is true.   If the downside of taking the risk, outweighs the potential upside, then your child should probably choose to pass. 

In my children’s book, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race, Gracie agrees to compete in a bike race with her friends, but she fails to mention that she doesn’t know how to ride a bike and that she’s afraid to learn.  Her Grandma comforts her and asks her what the worst thing is that can happen if she gives learning to ride a try.  She then asks what the worst thing is that could happen if she doesn’t try to learn. Through the questioning, Gracie realizes that either way her answer is the same.  She really has nothing to lose.  She can try to learn and if she fails her friends may laugh at her and she won’t be able to join them in the bike race, or she can not try, and her friends still might laugh at her and she won’t be able to race with them in the bike race.  The story is meant to help children overcome and rationalize their fears, but the approach can also be used to teach your child to take risks. The next time your child is contemplating a risk, have her play the Gracie game.  Ask her, what is the worst thing that can happen if she takes the risk and it doesn’t work out.  Next, ask her what is the best thing that can happen if she takes the risk and it does work out.  Also, have her think about what will happen if she chooses not to take the risk. 

Taking a risk and failing, is simply a mistake to be learned from.  Throughout my cycling career, and life, I’ve found that sometime the only way to reach your goal is by taking risks.  Sometimes taking a risk and failing turns out to be a blessing in disguise, because it makes you better.  Have your child think of it like this:  Her goal is like a really high wall.  She’s climbing up it, but she’s stuck just a short distance from the top.  There is no where else for her to grab.  By taking a risk and failing, her wall will crumble some, but the crumbled wall may make a new hand hold for her that will allow her to keep climbing.  She can take advantage of her mistake and let it help her scale the wall and stand on top victorious.

Taking a risk can be scary, but really, what do you have to lose?

Note- There are good risks and bad risks.  It’s important for your child to know the difference.  No amount of success or glory is more valuable than life.  Taking a dangerous risk, one that could get you hurt, or worse, isn’t a good risk to take.  (However, sports are inherently dangerous, so there is always some risk involved.  A skilled athlete taking a reasonable, but risky chance, is sometimes what it takes to win.)

For more information on me or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Goal accomplished! What’s next?

Monday, February 1st, 2010

Try This At Home…………………….

If you haven’t already, have your child do the exercises at the beginning of the first and second goal setting posts.  Next have child write out a plan for after he’s accomplished his goal.  How does he want to celebrate? How long of a break does he want to take? What is his next step or goal to focus on?

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After spending time, energy, resources and pinning hopes and dreams on achieving a goal, there is often a void and let down after the goal has been accomplished and the attention and accolades have stopped.  The honest truth is that success and the attention that goes with it are addicting.  Just like any addiction, you can only ride the high for so long. 

There are a few things you can do to ease the feelings your child may feel after he has accomplished his goal.

1. Explain that what he is feeling is normal.  You may even choose to prepare him ahead of time that it may be coming. Just knowing why he feels the way he does might help.

2. Keep him busy.  It’s okay to allow for a day or two of down time, but then get him back into his routine.

3. Don’t forget to celebrate his accomplishment.  Let him enjoy the attention, but don’t let it go to his head.  If you stay humble, he’s more likely too.

4. Teach him to achieve for himself, not for attention from other people.

5. Most importantly, have him set another goal.  Knowing what is next will give him a purpose again and something new to focus on. 

Make sure he takes care of himself.  Despite the potential lack of sleep and poor diet that may go along with the celebration, it’s important he stays healthy.  I got sick every year after the World Championships.  After a whole year of planning and preparing for it, my body just seemed to let go once it was over.  As soon as I had relaxed and my guard was down, bam, I’d get sick.  Help your child safe guard against this. 

The downer isn’t any fun, but it is just a fact of life.  The harsh reality is, to many people you are only as good as your last accomplishment and, sooner than later, the accomplishment is old news.  It’s not a fun reality, but learning to cope with it now will make it easier on your child later in life.

For more information on myself and my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Goal Setting, Part 2

Monday, January 25th, 2010

 Try This At Home……………..

Next time your child fails at achieving her goal, have her make a list of everything that she did well and a list of all the things that did not go well.  Then have her analyze the second list and come up with ways to fix or improve upon them.   Once those things are fixed, have her try again.

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We’ve all failed to accomplish a goal at one time or another.  It’s normal to feel lousy when it happens, but the more productive response would be to figure out why it happened.  Cavett Robert said, “Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, is for you and you alone to decide.”  You can let your failures control and define you, or you can learn from them and use them to your advantage.  The choice is yours.

Fear of failure was the thing that I struggled most with during my cycling career.  I was so afraid of not being perfect that I would agonize over the possibility of failure.  Like everything in life, the thing that you dwell on is what comes to be, and left unchecked my fear became a self fulfilling prophesy.  Fear of failure is a separate post all to itself, but I mention it because in learning to deal with my fear, I learned an important lesson about failure…….While failure is unpleasant, it doesn’t make you a failure and it isn’t the end of the world.  It’s simply a step toward becoming successful.  You won’t find a successful person out there who hasn’t failed a few times in the process. 
                                                           
We all want to protect our kids and hate to see them fail, but as I’ve said over and over again in my blog posts, your child will learn far more from failing than they will from success.  Sure, failure isn’t any fun, but it can teach a valuable lesson. 

                                                                                    Reasons Why We Fail

We Went About It Wrong

Most likely the reason your child failed is because she went about it the wrong way.  This is the most valuable lesson in failing.  If she can realize where she went wrong and fix it, then the next time she’ll be successful. Help her analyze the situation and figure how she can improve.  

Lack of Motivation/ Follow Through

If your child seems unmotivated to do what is necessary to accomplish her goal, then it might be time for her to access if the goal is still important to her.  Sometimes priorities change.  My husband quit his wrestling career in the middle of a tournament.  In the middle of a match, he decided it just wasn’t fun anymore.

The other option may be that she just doesn’t want to put in the work.  She wants the reward that comes with accomplishing her goal, but she isn’t willing to do what it takes to get there.  In the end if she fails at her goal because of her work ethic then she’ll learn an important life lesson.  Letting her learn this lesson the hard way, while she is young, is the best gift you can give her.

Lack of focus

Your child may fail to accomplish her goals, because she isn’t focused enough at the task at hand.  She needs to choose which goal is most important and give that the most attention.  She may not know how to focus.  Focusing is a learned thing and is something that is crucial to success in all aspects of life.  Check out my previous prioritization blog for tips on teaching your child to prioritize and stay tuned in a few weeks for my post on the art of focusing. 

Unrealistic Expectations

Your child’s goals may be unrealistic.  If she fails to meet her goal it’s a great opportunity for her to be completely honest about why it happened.  She may have inadvertently set herself up for failure by setting an unrealistic goal.  Help her learn to set realistic goals.  This doesn’t mean that she can’t dream big, it just means she has to be realistic about things like her timetable, talents, abilities, etc.  Some goals take a long time to reach, and some people are better suited at achieving some goals than others.  

If she has failed to reach her goal the first thing she should look at is her timetable.  Maybe her goal would be more achievable if she gave herself more time.  She may also need to add in some additional sub-goals.  Maybe her plan is missing a few steps.

The harder thing for her to do will be to access her abilities. She may find her talents lend themselves better to a new and different goal. She may find she has more to lose by continuing her pursuit than she does by throwing in the towel.  The choice is never an easy one, but this too is an important lesson to learn. 

Part of learning to set goals, is learning what to do when it doesn’t work out.  It is an important skill set for your child to develop.  Learning from their failure will make them successful.

For more information on myself or my children’s books please visit www.erinmirabella.com  My book, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race, is an excellent way to talk about overcoming fears with your child.

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Setting Goals

Monday, January 18th, 2010

Try This At Home……………………..

Using the steps below, have your child set a goal that he can accomplish in the next month or two.  (or less)

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Did you set a new years resolution this year?  Did your kids?

This post may have been more appropriate as the first one of the New Year, but hopefully it’s still relevant because you are sticking to your resolution.  If you didn’t make a resolution, or you’ve already given up on your resolution, don’t lose heart, this is the perfect time to get back on track. 

A New Years resolution is just a fancy way to say you’re setting a goal for yourself.  Occasionally you’ll hear someone say they aren’t a goal oriented person, or they don’t really know how to set goals, but most likely these people are setting goals everyday.  Every time they make a to-do list, a honey do list, or leave the house expecting to arrive at a destination at a particular time, they’ve set a goal.  They just may not realize it. 

Your kids do the same thing.  They may not know the word goal, but they set goals for themselves all the time.  They may want to ride a bike like their big brother, own a certain toy or score a goal in their next soccer game.  When my son Micah was about a year and a half old, he wanted to jump so badly.  He would bend his knees, crouch way down and throw himself upward, but his cute, little, flat feet never left the ground.   Finally, with enough practice, he got some air.  I tell you this, because if a one year old can set a goal and find a way to accomplish it, anyone can.

It’s never too early to teach your child about setting goals.  Having goals will help him to be successful, give him a purpose, help him learn to manage his time and resources, and give him a sense of accomplishment. 

I’ve found that often people are good at setting goals; they just have no idea what to do after that.  Here are some basic things you can teach your child about achieving his goals.

Make a Goal

If your child doesn’t already have a goal, have him come up with one.  Like I said, he probably already has a goal; he just may not have defined it as such.  Have him write his goal down.  Explain the importance sharing his goal with another person, because they can help with accountability and problem solving.

Break It Down

Next, ask him how he thinks he can go about reaching his goal.  Let him come up with some ideas.  Some goals are simple, like I need to get a load of laundry done today. The only thing you have to decide in order to accomplish that, is when specifically you’re going to do it.  Other goals are more complex, like making an Olympic Team.  Goals like that are so lofty, that they need to be broken down into mini sub-goals.    The sub-goals work like stair steps. Each time you accomplish a sub-goal you move one step closer to the big one. I think most people fall short of their goals, because they fail at this step. 

Here is an example.

  1. Set a goal.
  •  Running a mile in ten minutes.

     2. Break it up into mini-goals. 

  • Buy running shoes
  • Find a place to run and measure off a mile using the car odometer. (Find land marks at the quarter mile markers as well.)
  • Run a quarter mile
  • Run a half mile
  • Run three quarters of a mile
  • Run 1 mile
  • Time yourself while you run 1 mile.
  • Run a mile is less than twelve minutes.
  • Run a mile is less than eleven minutes.
  • Run a mile in less than ten minutes.

Set A Deadline

On a calendar, have him write his final goal on a specific date and highlight it.  That is his deadline.  Then, have him work backward and figure out when each sub goal needs to be accomplished in order to accomplish his final goal by the deadline.  Have him identify the deadline for each sub goal on the calendar as well.

Developing a Plan

Now that he has a goal, and sub goals, he will need to decide what needs to happen in order to accomplish his first sub goal.  Maybe he needs to put some other activities on hold so he has more time to devote to his goal.  He may need to do some research, get more sleep, or set a specific time each day he will practice.  Have him write his plan down.

What You Can Do

Be interested.  Ask him how his plan is going and help him trouble shoot.

Celebrate

Don’t forget to celebrate the milestones.  It is easy to be so focused on the final goal that the accomplishment of each mini goal is over looked. Make sure to give him a hug, tell him he’s doing a great job and how impressed you are with his persistence and discipline.  There doesn’t have to be a reward for each mini goal.  The sense of accomplishment should be reward enough, especially if the end goal is one he really wants to reach.

Stay tuned next week for part two of goal setting.  For more information on myself or my children’s books, Gracie Goat’s Big Bike Race and Shawn Sheep The Soccer Star, please visit www.erinmirabella.com

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Raise your child’s game through competition and modeling.

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Try This At Home……………………………

Here is a great way to help you child improve in a sport or activity that he or she is already interested in and good at.  Find out who is the most celebrated person in that sport or activity and do some serious research on them. (Research them on the Internet, watch videos of them, etc.) Analyze the specific things that make that person successful and encourage your child to emulate and model them.  Have your child work on improving those characteristics or skills you identified.

Next, find someone locally who is just a little better than you child and, if possible, have your child practice with him or her on a weekly basis.  Encourage your child to learn from them.  Monitor the situation to make sure you child is having fun and isn’t getting frustrated.

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Competition makes you better.  If your child is always the best player on the team or in his or her league, then they aren’t being challenged and pushed to improve. If at all possible, find someone for you child to train with who can push and challenge them.  This will prevent their progress from becoming stagnant. Without competition your child ends up a big fish in a small pond. Later, it’s hard to move from the pond, where he or she is the star and accustomed to winning, to the lake or ocean, where he or she is just a little fish and won’t necessarily find success immediately.  (It’s not a bad idea to get a realistic idea of what you child can expect when they bump up to the next level, but I’ll save the details of that for another post.)

My first year training at the Olympic Training Center was a gradual immersion into the world of elite international racing.   My second year however, felt more like getting thrown into the deep end of a pool to see if I’d sink or swim.  Thankfully I didn’t sink, but that was in large part because I was training with stronger, more experienced women.  They pushed me every day, physically and mentally, and their presence both encouraged and forced me to raise my game if I wanted to succeed.

I vividly remember a training day at a World Cup selection track camp in Plano, Texas. Nicole Reinhart*, Karen Dunn and I were all vying for a spot in the points race at the upcoming World Cup, and each work out was considered by the coaches in selection. This particular work out was on the velodrome (a cycling track.) Our coach was driving the motorcycle and we were taking turns coming around the motor and leading out sprints to the finish line.  The goal was to win the sprint.  Karen and Nicole were much more experienced than me.  For the first few sprints my timing was all off; I would either go hard too soon, or I would kick too late.  I’ve very competitive, but instead of getting frustrated I tried to figure out what the other girls were doing that I wasn’t.  We were rotating through and taking turns leading out the sprints, so every third sprint I had an opportunity to watch them from behind.  I noted how they made their moves, when they made their moves, and how successful they were at it. I started copying their successes and by the end of the workout I was winning sprints. 

That year I trained with, lived with, and vied for spots against those same women, over and over again.  As difficult and stressful as it was at the time, it was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me, because I never became complacent and improved immensely.

Later on in my career I didn’t have that same benefit.  I found that training with guys was another way to raise my game.  This is one advantage women have over men, women always have the opportunity to train or practice against someone stronger and faster than them, because they can train with the men. 

I am grateful that I learned this lesson early on in my career. If you child has aspirations to make it to the next level, then he or she needs to constantly be looking for ways to improve.  Training with and modeling after people who are better are great ways to do that. Just like in a free market, we all benefit from healthy competition.

* Nicole Reinhart was a fantastic road sprinter, fierce competitor, a good, kind person, and someone I looked up to and admired. Her life was tragically cut short in a cycling accident during a race on September 17, 2000.  I’d like to dedicate today’s blog to her memory and encourage you to visit www.nicolefund.org for more information about her.

For more information about me or my children’s books, please visit www.erinmirabella.com.

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Posted in Goal Setting, Modeling, Role Models, Strengths and Weaknesses, competition | 2 Comments »

Prioritization- “Having it all” is a myth

Monday, October 26th, 2009

Try This At Home……..

Gather together as many balls as you can find. Tell your child that the balls are like the activities and responsibilities in their life.  Hand them two or three balls.  Explain that, like the balls, when they only have two or three activities and responsibilities to focus on, they can keep them all under control and do very well at them.  Then keep handing them more and more balls until they start dropping them.  Explain that, just like the balls, the more activities and responsibilities they take on, the more things get left undone or done poorly.   Too many balls lead to mediocrity.

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I was freed from most of my unrealistic expectations the day that I realized that the expression, “You can have it all”, was a myth.  I realized that I can only keep so many balls in the air at one time and if I get over zealous my whole world comes crashing down. 

Our resources are scarce.  There are only so many hours in a day and we only have so much time, energy and money.   You can focus on doing a few things very well and allow some other things to lag behind. Or you can try to do everything, and the odds are that none of it will be done extremely well. You’ve heard the expression, Jack-of-All-Trades, Master of None.  For example, you may be able to have a career and be the kind of mother or father you want to be, but that probably means that you aren’t making it to the gym three days a week anymore and you need to hire someone to help clean the house.  Something’s gotta give!

Teaching your children to prioritize their activities and responsibilities at a young age is important.   It will help them to be successful in the things that matter most.  If they have too many activities and responsibilities they get spread too thin and aren’t able to excel at any of them.  When kids are young they should try all sorts of activities: different sports, instruments, arts, etc.  Exposing them to as many things as possible gives them a higher probability of finding their “perfect fit”, their passion.  That doesn’t mean they have to have an activity every night of the week, but they also shouldn’t have to just pick one sport or activity and be stuck in it.  Having said that, even young kids need to understand that something’s are more important than others and that they will be good at what they practice.   The best way to teach them responsibility and specialization is to make it a habit when they are young.  They need to finish their homework, study for their test, practice their instrument, go to soccer practice and/or set the table, before they play video games or watch TV.   Sit down with them and have them help you make a list of priorities. (This leads into the topic of making sacrifices, but we’ll save that for another post.)

Once your child finds their passion, specializing in it will bring them more success and with success comes confidence, which is always a good thing.  Specialization will also help them hone other skills, like time management, discipline, work ethic and goal setting. 

If your child wants to be really good at something, then they need to make it a priority. It doesn’t mean that they have to give up everything else, but some of the less important things are going to get less attention.  Something’s gotta give.

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Posted in Goal Setting, Prioritization, Selecting a sport | 3 Comments »